EAGAN AT THE MOVIES
Reviewing Movies Because We Care
Since 2010, and Still Unpaid!
Reviews for Current Films:
In Theaters (Or streaming): M3GAN 2.0, F1, 28 Years Later, Elio, The Life of Chuck, Materialists, How to Train Your Dragon, Ballerina, Karate Kid: Legends, Friendship, Lilo & Stitch, Mission: Impossible - The Final Reckoning, Hurry Up Tomorrow, Final Destination: Bloodlines
Coming Soon:Jurassic World 4, Superman, Smurfs, The Fantastic Four, The Bad Guys 2, The Naked Gun 4, Freaky Friday 2, Weapons, Nobody 2, Honey Don't, The Conjuring 4, Downton Abbey 3, The Long Walk, Him, The Strangers 2, Tron 3, Black Phone 2
F1 by James Eagan ★★★½ out of ★★★★★
Image: When you're trying to save face after getting Blue Shelled to last place in Mario Kart.
Behold! The resurgence of the "Dad Movie"! "Top Gun: Maverick", "Air", "Ford v Ferrari", "Conclave", etc. Good, old fashioned, middle-aged cinema is back on the menu boys! There's something pretty endearing about that. I tell ya, TNT is going to thrive for the next decade or so.
"F1" follows a former, now washed up Formula One driver, "Sonny Hayes" (Brad Pitt), who was forced into retirement in the 90s after a disastrous crash. Sonny, who has participated in various races across the country, is tracked down by another former driver/old friend turned Formula One team owner, "Ruben Cervantes" (Javier Bardem), to participate in the upcoming Formula One Grand Prix. Ruben's team, "APXGP" (Apex Grand Prix), is yet to win a race, despite having a very capable, if not overconfident rookie driver, "Joshua Pearce" (Damson Idris), and Ruben thinks that Sonny can not only help the team achieve victory, as well as give Sonny the chance to prove himself as one of the absolute best. Of course though, Sonny and Joshua, being equally hot-headed and full of sh*t, can't stand each other, with Joshua's immaturity causing a lack of comradery and Sonny's refusal to take orders not helping much either. However, that kind of abrasiveness and risk taking insanity just might be what APXGP needs to pull off the impossible.
Directed by Joseph Kosinski ("Top Gun: Maverick", "Tron: Legacy", "Oblivion"), with a screenplay by Ehren Kruger ("Scream 3", "Reindeer Games", three out of five Michael Bay "Transformers" movies, and "Ghost in the Shell"), "F1" acquired much input from the International Automobile Federation (aka "FIA"), as well as Formula One as a whole. That means this is definitely something that will appeal most to fans of the sport, getting right down into the details and certainly has the money on display. It's not an original story or an original screenplay, telling a narrative that you've seen thousands of times before in various other sports dramas (Not just the ones involving cars). It's fittingly predictable and often does seem to rely on those old school "Boomer" tropes, which can often be endearingly silly, but silly nonetheless. What truly keeps the movie on track (Pun actually not originally intended), is Joseph Kosinski, who has found his calling bringing back the "Dad" movie in a way that feels seamless and doesn't feel completely out of time with a modern audience. Kosinski's masterfully dynamic direction, along with slick editing and camera work, makes for some thrilling, damn near heart pumping sequences of high speed adrenaline. Kosinski puts you right in the driver's seat, with the racing scenes done practically, resulting in a high $200 million budget that you can see where every penny was needed to make it feel authentic. I also saw it in 4DX, which only adds an extra sense of immersion to the experience.
Whether or not you're tired of Brad Pitt (And his Brad Pittiness), much like Tom Cruise, you can't deny the man's onscreen presence. He makes for a complicated character (Where much of his depth is left up to his emotions and expressions, rather than what he actually says), that you're equally irritated by and even a bit begrudgingly charming. Damson Idris is a standout, keeping a good pace with Pitt, with loads of off the charts charisma. Sure, we've seen two cocky, hot shots butting heads many times before, but it's a trope that can be a lot of fun to watch, and it's mostly thanks to Pitt and Idris' performances. The whole romance with Kerry Condon (as "Kate", APXGP's technical director, who Sonny obviously has to hit on) isn't entirely believable, though works completely thanks to Condon's natural personality and appeal (Not to mention that accent. How can you not fall in love?). Tobias Menzies (as "Peter Banning", an APXGP board member) is enjoyably smarmy from the beginning (So it's not too shocking that he's up to something nefarious), Sarah Niles (as "Bernadette", Joshua's caring mother) brings so much heart to such a stock supporting role, and Javier Bardem pretty much just steals the movie with plenty of humor and compassion.
Fittingly formulaic, but professional, "F1" is likely going to be your papa's new favorite movie, and thankfully, it's a real solid one at that. Fast paced, perfectly polished, with strong performances, and unapologetically old school excitement, proving that the "Boomer Blockbuster" isn't going out of style anytime soon. Pretty straightforward stuff with this one. 3 1/2 Stars. Rated PG-13 For Intense Racing, Two F-Bombs (Pushing The Boundaries!), And Hardcore Racists (aka Racing Enthusiasts).
28 Years Later by James Eagan ★★★★½ out of ★★★★★
Image: When you're a malnourished zombie guy, but everybody thinks you're Cillian Murphy.
What's with all the really good movies coming out all of a sudden? Hell, what's with all the great horror movies coming out right now? Horror has already been getting a resurgence in the last few years, along with the ability to retain some horror franchises without them eventually becoming terrible. Now with "Sinners", we transcend horror, mixing in various other tones and themes, making them seem perfectly natural in what looked at first glance to be just a "Vampire Movie". It's the same for what seems to be just a "Zombie Movie", but is actually so much deeper. And relevant, considering how it feels like we're inching closer and closer every day to a possible apocalypse.
Set after the events of both "28 Days Later" and "28 Weeks Later", "28 Years Later" opens.....er, well, 28 years later, following the outbreak of "The Rage Virus" (Which turns people into an animalistic like state of bloodlust and the need to kill) across Great Britain. Now it's seemingly contained by the outside world (The most realistic part is basically everyone telling Britain "You're on your own!" and bailing out), with the infected people left to terrorize any unfortunate survivors across the continent. A small community on an island, separated from the mainland by a tidal causeway, appears lost in time, being heavily fortified against the possibility of any Infected attacks. A young boy, "Spike" (Alfie Williams), is being taken on a coming of age initiation to the mainland by his father, "Jamie" (Aaron Taylor-Johnson), against the wishes of Spike's bedridden mother, "Isla" (Jodie Comer), who is experiencing memory loss, confusion, and other side effects that nobody in the community seems to understand. Jamie and Spike leave for the mainland to go on a hunt for some Infected, introducing Spike to the new world and the evolving Infected, which are now traveling in packs led by smarter, stronger "Alphas". Spike also learns more than he wants to know about his father and the secrets that the rest of the community keeps, leading to Spike to take Isla on a journey to find a mysterious doctor, "Ian Kelson" (Ralph Fiennes), who the other villagers choose to avoid, in hopes of finding a cure for Isla.
Directed by the returning Danny Boyle (Who previously directed the original "28 Days Later", along with "Trainspotting", "Slumdog Millionaire", "Steve Jobs"), with a screenplay by the also returning series creator, Alex Garland ("Ex Machina", "Civil War", "Warfare"), "28 Years Later" is definitely a legacy sequel, though it feels very much like a reboot. Not in the sense that it's starting over from scratch, but rather, guiding us into a brand new, terrifying world of terror. The large time jump (Along with almost no mentioning of the events of the first two films, aside from the obvious premise), makes for a change in tone almost, feeling more like a post-apocalyptic coming of age drama, though still retaining the somewhat grungy feel of the original movies. It never holds back on the gory, brutality (Which is shown to be even more disturbing and violent this time), and in a time where we have many zombie apocalypse stories, the filmmakers find creative, grounded ways to stand out. One way is how it's established that this entire infestation is now contained, meaning the rest of the world is apparently running normally (With the exception of an occasional surveying of the quarantine zones). It's like you're entering a nightmarish timeline where life just stopped one day, regressing to semi-medieval times.
Danny Boyle, who shot the film using mostly an iPhone 15 Max, brings the series back to its roots. It's such a disorienting experience, with impeccable jump cuts, grainy visuals, and the kind of editing that I bet must have been a complete nightmare to compile together. There are moments where you feel like you're watching a frightening documentary about dystopian warfare (Yes, that Taylor Holmes recital of the Rudyard Kipling's "Boots" from the trailer is in the movie in its unsettling glory), and then others where it feels like you've stumbled upon decaying footage of something you wish you hadn't (Shown to us through some memorably twisted flashbacks showcase how the Infected hunt). From the cinematography and sound design (I swear I would hear crunching sounds at random moments), you're always in a state of uneasiness, creating a world of fear that isn't always about jump scares, but rather the neverending dread that it's almost a guarantee that you wouldn't last a single night in it. However, the film decides to juggle a few other genres and tones, upping the emotional core to the story in a way that only puts emphasis on that terror, as well as some all too relatable human experiences. This makes for some very compelling, if not unpleasant drama. Even in such a dark tale, the film still seems to have somewhat of a wicked sense of humor, whether it be something obvious or more subtle (The music choices especially are certainly strange to say the least). For a movie that's all about death, it also feels very much alive.
The character work is exceptionally strong, which is in part thanks to the wonderful performances, which do take some unconventional approaches to what could have just been another mutant/dystopian thriller. This is Alfie Williams' movie, through and through. This young newcomer, similar to Miles Caton in "Sinners", is so natural in the role, confidently carrying the film on his shoulders in a way that could easily have gone wrong. Williams has to showcase the various stages of grief, going from a stage of innocence and wonder to mature and hardened, despite still very much being a kid. It's an equally heartwarming and heartbreaking character arc to watch. Jodie Comer is equally terrific in a quietly powerful role, where her greatest strength comes from not what she says, but rather what she doesn't (Leaving her expressions to do the talking). Aaron Taylor-Johnson continues to make amends for "Kraven the Hunter" by showing what a capable actor he can be (In a complex role that goes a few different directions), Edvin Ryding (as "Erik Sundqvist", an unlucky Swedish NATO soldier, who finds himself trapped in the quarantine zone), provides hints of what might be going on in the rest of the world, and while Ralph Fiennes only appears briefly towards the last act, he makes every second count brilliantly.
The Infected themselves, with the intimidating Alphas in particular, are more terrifying than ever, playing into the concept of their further evolution, which makes one more and more curious about what's to come (This is expected to be the first part of a trilogy, with a second film due to come out literally next year). It also concludes on a rather bizarre note (Though it still ties into themes and narrative hints that are cleverly sprinkled throughout) that feels like a post credits scene that happens to play before we even get to the credits. Still, that oddness feels surprisingly in line with the film's outlandish nature, feeling like a cliffhanger that leaves you going "What the f*ck was that?" and "Well now I gotta know what happens next!" at the same time.
A graphically violent, yet gorgeous look into the kind of Hell that feels often more real than we might truly understand (With just a good amount of impossible to decipher insanity thrown into the mix to make it all the more perplexing), "28 Years Later" has the right amount of horror and even more humanity. One moment you'll be left wincing at the savagery and unpleasantness, then you'll be moved by the resilience and heart, only to come away with this strange feeling of respect for your own life, as well as your inevitable death. A damn great legacy sequel that moves you just as much as it disturbs you. 4 1/2 Stars. Rated R For Grotesquely Gory Gruesomeness, Terrifying Images, Disturbing And Upsetting Moments (Some Involving Children), Teletubbies, Graphic Zombie Nudity, And Hardcore Zombie Dick. I Mean, That Thing Was Damn Impressive. Good For Him!
Elio by James Eagan ★★★★ out of ★★★★★
Image: So cute and cheerful until the probing starts.
Switching the release dates for both this and last year's "Inside Out 2" was one of the smartest moves that Disney and Pixar have made in some time. "Inside Out 2" went on to gross over $1 billion worldwide, especially following a series of flops or disappointments from both studios. On the downside though, this movie has basically been destined to fail and rather frustratingly so. Still, from a business standpoint, I get it. Release the guaranteed hit when you need it most, while letting the riskier movie duke it out with some other heavy hitters after garnering a few other surefire successes (Like "Lilo & Stitch" and "Moana 2"). It makes sense. I just don't like that such a warm, good natured little film had to be sacrificed in the process. And it only guarantees a reliance on sequels or remakes in the future.
"Elio" follows the titular, "Elio Solis" (Yonas Kibreab), a peculiar, yet enthusiastic young boy, obsessed with the idea of getting abducted by aliens, due to feeling so out of place on Earth. Raised by his stressed out aunt, "Olga" (Zoe Saldaña) after the death of his parents, Elio's love of aliens even causes some havoc for Olga at her work at an Air Force Base (Where she monitors space debris). After Elio sends out a message to what he assumes is space life (Causing a blackout), Olga decides that maybe it's best that Elio attends to a boot camp. However, it turns out that Elio's message did reach someone from space, leading to his abduction (Much to his joy). Elio is brought before "The Communiverse", where a collection of various alien species have gathered to share their knowledge and interests, convinced that Elio is the leader of Earth, offering him the chance to join (While leaving a clone of Elio on Earth to keep up appearances).
Sadly, the Communiverse is also being threatened by a violent, battle hungry warlord, "Lord Grigon" (Brad Garrett), who wants access to the Communiverse, threatening to conquer it if necessary. To ensure his membership, Elio offers to negotiate with Grigon, which goes about as well as you might think. Luckily, Elio ends up becoming friends with Grigon's son, "Glordon" (Remy Edgerly), an adorable slug-like creature with absolutely no aspirations for galactic conquest, convincing him to pretend to be Elio's captive in hopes of forcing Grigon to stand down. With Elio finally finding a friend just like him, he plans to leave his life of Earth behind, though doesn't understand that all of his lies are only going to lead to a disastrous intergalactic incident.
Directed by Madeline Sharafian (A longtime story artist and Pixar employee), Domee Shi ("Turning Red"), and some temporary credited work from Adrian Molina ("Coco"), with a screenplay by Julia Cho ("Turning Red"), Mark Hammer ("Shotgun Wedding"), and Mike Jones ("Soul", "Luca", "Dream Productions"), "Elio" does feel like it went through some slight overhaul after its delay, which may have worked in the film's benefit. At its core, it's a fairly simple tale of discovering your place in the universe, coming to terms with your own struggles and fears, and something deeper that anyone can relate to,. It's about the hope that we are not truly alone out there. Whether it be emotional, physically, spiritually, or any other sense of the word. It's hard not to be moved by the film's themes, which are only bolstered by the delightful character, funny screenplay, and its lovely visuals, which go from bouncy and colorful to grand and rather breathtaking. I think the most surprisingly impressive aspect of the film is how incredible the sound design is. It just feels big, despite being so small and personal. It's actually pretty light in the danger department, yet there is always this lingering sense of scale or even some genuine danger, feeling like a classic family film that might make some of the smaller kids jump a bit. Thankfully, it's not too much though, because there is such a sincere nature to the film, along with an overload of candy covered cuteness that's just so charming. From the expressive character designs (Particular with the aliens, who all have their own distinct, otherworldly features), and the elaborate universe building, though I will admit that it's too the point where you are left wanting a bit more of it than what's given (Delay casualties or a conscience decision? Time will tell on that).
Elio is such an appealing little lead, being both a little frenetic, but inventive, with Yonas Kibreab doing some wonderful, heartfelt voicework (Not to mention providing amusing contrast between Elio and his more enthusiastically bland clone). Remy Edgerly is also a delightful scene-stealer, getting some of the funniest lines, and such a fantastically absurd character design (Who knew an eyeless slug, with endless rows of teeth could convey so much joy and heart?). Zoe Saldaña does some excellent work, and the same goes for the rest of the charming voice cast, which includes Brendan Hunt (as "Gunther Melmac", a hammy conspiracy theorist), a perfectly menacing and hilarious Brad Garrett, along with Brandon Moon, Jameela Jamil, and Matthias Schweighöfer (as the creatively animated alien ambassadors). I also get a kick out of the fact that despite the film being as lightly PG as possible, the filmmakers clearly have an affection for some scary Sci-Fi and body horror, getting a few darkly comedic laughs (And even finding some time for an obligatory "Alien" reference while they're at it).
"Elio" is less "Inside Out", "Coco", or "Soul", but rather more like "Luca". It's not meant to reinvent the wheel or change the course of animation as we know it, but rather tell a very human story, though just through Pixar's usual unconventional ways. Filled to the brim with emotion and heart, along with gloriously imaginative visual wonder and a good amount of belly laughs that will appeal to all ages, it's sweet, soft, and squishy all over. Just a nice adventure for the whole family, and it deserves your time, as well as your love. 4 Stars. Rated PG For A Couple Slightly Adult-Ish Jokes, Possibly Scary Moments, A Lot More Saliva Than I Was Expecting, And The Likely Nightmare Fuel That Comes From Gooey Cloning (Gotta Love It When A Kids Movie Just Decides To Get Weird).
The Life of Chuck by James Eagan ★★★★½ out of ★★★★★
Image: Proof that white men are capable of dancing.
This movie would have been a complete and utter disaster in the wrong hands. Can you imagine the likes of current Robert Zemeckis, or whoever the "This Is Us" guy was, making something like this? It would have been the most painfully cloying, grotesquely sugary, and woefully misguided pile of crap to come out in the past decade. So how is it that this is brought to us by Mike Flanagan and Stephen King of all people, and it's possibly one of the most wonderful films of the year?
Based on the short story of the same name by Stephen King, "The Life of Chuck" is three acts, told backwards. "Act Three" follows a teacher, "Marty Anderson" (Chiwetel Ejiofor) and his ex wife, "Felicia Gordon" (Karen Gillan), as they, along with the rest of the world, come to terms with the fact that the world appears to be ending. However, they keep getting odd, unknown advertisements, signs, and messages of an accountant named "Charles Krantz" (Tom Hiddleston), thanking him for "39 Great Years!". "Act Two" follows the titular Chuck nine months earlier, as he wanders around during a business trip, meeting a street drummer named "Taylor" (Taylor Gordon) and a young woman, "Janice" (Annalise Basso), who was recently dumped by her boyfriend. Out of nowhere, Chuck begins to dance, bringing a smile to everyone, though he can't determine why he just felt like doing that in the first place. "Act One" follows a young Chuck (Played by Cody Flanagan as a young boy, Benjamin Pajak as an older kid, and then by Jacob Tremblay as a teen), as he's raised by his grandparents, "Sarah" (Mia Sara) and "Albie" (Mark Hamill), following the death of his parents. Chuck shows to have a keen intellect, a love of dance, and a curiosity to see what's in the mysterious room that Albie has forbade him from entering.
Written and directed by Mike Flanagan ("Hush", "Doctor Sleep", "Midnight Mass", "The Fall of the House of Usher"), "The Life of Chuck" is the kind of film that shouldn't work, let alone be as great as it is. It's such a complexly told story, yet at its center, is also incredibly simple. You're wondering at first why it was even told this way, but by the end realize that this was the only way made you see why it truly mattered at all. It's a sweet, heartfelt, at times funny, and surreal journey, that's also frightening, perplexing, and even somewhat bleak. It's not depressing, or all gloom and doom, though it is honest. Painfully honest. The film miraculously finds a way to make it feel hopeful and life-affirming, even with the darker presences looming around every corner. Flanagan's direction has always been sharp, and this might very well be his best work yet. It shifts through a few different tones over the course of its three acts, clearly incorporating much of Stephen King's own use of conflicting genres. It makes for a roller coaster of emotions that never lets up until the credits suddenly appear. Flanagan's screenplay is also effective at balancing the sentimental, with the funny, the dark, and the existential nature that resides in all of us. Some more than others, really.
It also features a rather strange, but fitting ensemble of actors, that find ways to each stand out, even if they're literally popping in for a moment. Tom Hiddleston doesn't have to say much with his mouth (He only says a handful of lines throughout the entire runtime), but has to give one Hell of a physical performance. It's a joy to watch Loki himself just electrify the screen simply with a kind smile or an endearing hand wave, with the dance number being an especially unforgettable moment. More time is actually focused on young Benjamin Pajak, who is spectacular, along with the brief appearance from Jacob Tremblay (It's jarring to see him all grown up now!). The cast is all around commendable, which includes the already mentioned Chiwetel Ejiofor, Karen Gillan, Mia Sara, Mark Hamill, Taylor Gordon, Annalise Basso, and not to mention the absolute perfection that's Nick Offerman voicing the film's narrator (We all wish his voice would narrate our lives). It also includes the likes of Carl Lumbly, Kate Siegel, Samantha Sloyan, Trinity Bliss, Matthew Lillard, Q'orianka Kilcher, Violet McGraw, Heather Langenkamp, Rahul Kohli, and David Dastmalchian (In one of the scenes that best emphasizes the skilled use of tone), along with a few other surprises, in roles both small and large, even varying between acts.
An exquisitely, lovingly crafted epic, full of sincere heart and wonder, "The Life of Chuck" is a bit of an anomaly, which is fitting the more I think about it. It's not here to offer false reassurance or even has the intent of telling you that everything is going to be okay. If anything, it assures you that one day, things won't be okay and everything that is you, from your life, along with your very memories will be gone. However, the love, happiness, and warmth that comes from life itself, even if they might be brief, are the rewards for all the suffering. It's hard not to be moved by such a well lived life, regardless of how brief or how much anguish might encompass it. Like a warm blanket caringly placed upon you after a nightmare. Thanks, Chuck! 4 1/2 Stars. Rated R For Adult Content, Existential Worry, Disturbing Moments, And So Much Warmth That It Just Might Set You Ablaze.
Materialists by James Eagan ★★★★ out of ★★★★★
Image: Getting Dakota Johnson to look at me like that would likely be it for me.
I saw the trailer for this movie and just knew that it wasn't going to be for me. As I always say, I'm not the target audience for a Romantic Comedy. They're generally too cutesy, shallow, fluffy, and fake for my tastes, and I'm too much of a cynic to get into it. Even when they're good, I still wouldn't watch them if I didn't have to. All I can do is hope that it's well made. However, this is a shockingly good case of false advertising that's likely even going to piss some people off. If you have the idea that this is just going to be some silly little, schmaltzy Rom-Com love triangle, where the movie toys with the whole "Who is she gonna choose?" concept despite knowing damn well who it's going to be, and will likely have a climax at an airport.....Boy, are you in for a surprise. The biggest one being that I think I might have loved this movie.
"Materialists" follows a successful, though statistic-reliant New York matchmaker, "Lucy" (Dakota Johnson), who can find love for anyone, yet can't seem to find love herself (Bet ya never heard that one before!). At a wedding, Lucy meets the extremely wealthy, incredibly handsome, and undeniably charming "Harry Castillo" (Pedro Pascal), who immediately takes an interest in her. Lucy also reunites with an old love, the tragically poor, yet very Chris Evans-looking "John" (Chris Evans), who works as a waiter while his still non-existent acting career fails to pick up. Lucy appears to have found her perfect match with Harry, though isn't sure why he actually wants to be with her, while she and John still appear to have a deep connection, though then again, she's not sure why he wants to be with her due to her inherently materialistic nature. This starts to affect her work as well, as Lucy has become so desensitized to the concept of love and romance that she can't even possibly imagine for herself anymore.
Written and directed by Celine Song ("Past Lives"), "Materialists" seems like the most generic of Rom-Coms at first glance. Just look at that plot synopsis! You've heard it all before. You know what's going to happen. Or at least, you think you do. It's not like there's some big twist or juxtaposition, though it does feel like the rug gets pulled out from under you after the first act. Even when the usual tropes that come with the territory are happening right in front of you, something never quite feels right. Song is taking a perceptive, almost cynical lens to these ideas, shattering such shallow concepts of today's dating world and love itself with a satirical hammer. It's still impressive how the movie just looks like an early 2000s Romantic Comedy, right down to the way it's shot and staged, to the point that you'd forget what time period the movie was taking place in if it weren't for the iPhones, talk of "Zoom" calls, and the name dropping of Bernie Sanders. It's Celine Song's dialogue though where the movie truly shines. It's mature and insightful, with some light moments of comedy, mixed in with a certain harshness and biting attitude that at times kind of hurts. You get some humorous moments focusing on the most superficial aspects of the dating world (Like guys making sure that their date isn't a "Fatty" or one woman basically saying "Whites Only"), along with some of the darker parts (There's a subplot involving assault that might be a bit too real for some). There are times where it's more of a drama, and a rather melancholic, bittersweet one at that.
Dakota Johnson gives probably one of her best performances (Proving that "Madame Web" was NOT her fault!), with such a character that thinks of things at the most hollow of levels, though dislikes that side of her and isn't without nuance (You kind of dislike her, yet are just as charmed by her as everyone else is). Chris Evans rather perfectly gets to retain some of his usual post-Captain America snark, though not without a sense of sadness and wanting that's all too relatable (He probably has my favorite, and one of the roughest, lines in the movie). Pedro Pascal is, well, Pedro Pascal, with such an appealing presence that's freakin infectious, while there's a very touching plotline for Zoë Winters (as "Sophie", one of Lucy's clients, who is desperate for love and is having the worst of luck with her dates), that goes from amusing to heavy and eventually, possibly hopeful towards the end. I will say that it is pretty funny that for a movie about deconstructing the surface level parts of today's dating world, it still revolves around the most attractive people you've ever seen in your life (It's a movie. We just accept those things by this point).
A beautiful, if not somewhat roughly mature take on your average Rom-Com, "Materialists" is a strong second outing for Celine Song, that somehow finds ways to hit you where it hurts, even when it looks like it's following the old, worn out playbook. Not to get into spoilers, but even when it ends, it leaves you with a sense of uncertainty, where you can only hope things work out, even if the realist in you is saying the opposite. Maybe that's exactly the point though. Love isn't about math and data, but rather a big risk that can lead to someplace warm, someplace painful, or maybe even somewhere between. I guess it all comes down to if it's worth it, and this movie shockingly is. Very much so. 4 Stars. Rated R For Language, Adult Content, Some Heavy Material, And The Worst Roommates You'll Ever See (If You Relate To This At All, You Need To Kick Those Bastards Out!).
How to Train Your Dragon by James Eagan ★★★½ out of ★★★★★
Image: "If you ever try to neuter me, I'll bite your head off."
This is all kinds of surreal. The original 2010 "How to Train Your Dragon" was one of the first movies I ever reviewed. I was still in high school at the time. It's not only been long enough to consider that film a classic, which it is, but also long enough to milk that franchise straight from the dragon's udders. If Disney can do it and make billions, then I suppose DreamWorks thinks they can do the same (And likely will). Really the worst part about all of this has nothing to do with corporate greed or the continued lack of respect animation gets. It just means that I'm officially old! I swear my hip is disintegrating right now as I'm typing this review!
A live-action remake of the 2010 film of the same name (Which itself was loosely based on the books by Cressida Cowell), "How to Train Your Dragon" opens on the isle of "Berk", where Vikings and Dragons have been at war with each other for generations. The amusingly named outcast, "Hiccup Horrendous Haddock III" (Mason Thames), the son of the respected chieftain, "Stoick the Vast" (Gerard Butler, reprising his role form the original), wants to make a name for himself and make his father proud. Of course, Hiccup is puny, weak, and lacks that Viking instinct, but Stoick allows him a chance to prove himself by allowing him to be trained by one-armed/peg-legged "Gobber the Belch" (Nick Frost) in the art of Dragon slaying. Hiccup joins the young Dragon slayers in training, including his crush "Astrid" (Nico Parker), the obnoxious "Snotlout" (Gabriel Howell), the nerdy "Fishlegs" (Julian Dennison), and the always bickering twins, "Ruffnut" (Bronwyn James) and "Tuffnut" (Harry Trevaldwyn). However, when Hiccup comes across an injured "Night Fury" (Considered the most deadly of all Dragons), he starts to discover that everything that they know about these creatures is wrong. Naming the Dragon "Toothless" (Due to his retractable teeth), Hiccup forms a bond with the flying lizard that will put him at odds with his father and his own people, while an even bigger threat looms over the horizon.
Written and directed by the returning Dean DeBlois (Co-Director of the original "Lilo & Stitch" and the original "How to Train Your Dragon", along with both its sequels), "How to Train Your Dragon" is as faithful a remake as one can get as in its essentially shot for shot, dialogue for dialogue, and despite a few little additions, lives up to the promise of just giving the animated film the live-action treatment. I'm starting to feel like a broken record by repeatedly stating that it's not necessary, and this one is no exception. It's more or less the same movie, except a little less. However, once again, if you look at it on its own, it's a well made family epic, that in spite of being brought into existence purely by the kind of greed that we only once thought Disney was capable of, is at least being capably made by those who have nothing but love for the source material. Dean DeBlois (Who basically admitted that if they were going to make this anyways, he might as well be the one to do it), clearly adores this world, its characters, and its story, sticking to the original as much as humanly possible. Sure, it's pretty impossible to completely replicate the emotions of the original, though the heart is there. It's also an excellent showcase for DeBlois in his first live-action film. In terms of spectacle, the film has that in spades. From the cinematography, the top notch set design, and the absolutely jaw dropping special effects, it does as good a job as it can transitioning from animation to reality (Or as much reality as possible, considering you can only do most of this through the use of CGI). I'm sure everybody remembers seeing the original's flying sequences fifteen years ago, and they're still pretty damn incredible here. Mixed with the returning John Powell's score (Which earned him an Oscar nomination for the original, and has since become iconic), I can't tell if it's the nostalgia talking or just the power of the beautiful filmmaking on display, it creates instant goosebumps.
Another thing about these remakes is that while I would prefer something different (Love or hate the new "Lilo & Stitch", but at least it wasn't just the same movie again), yet sometimes what makes all the difference is how well casted the movie is and they picked nothing but winners with this one. Mason Thames (Previously seen in his breakout performance in "The Black Phone") is literally Hiccup, almost down to the semi-Jay Baruchel-esque voice, with impeccable comedic timing, excellent dramatic chops, and perfect straight man likability. Gerard Butler is also once again fantastic, and might be giving an ever better performance here than he did before (Possibly simply because he's just become a better actor in recent years), while of course rocking that ridiculously awesome Viking beard (Thames and Butler have some rather seamless chemistry together as well). The entire cast really fit their roles wonderfully, from Nico Parker (Those racists literally complaining over nothing as usual), Julian Dennison (Fishlegs was probably my favorite character from the original), and Nick Frost (Who looks to be having so much fun). However, the real stars are the Dragons themselves, who are given more realistic designs without looking too hideous. One thing this might have over the original is that the Dragons can be more frightening, showcasing how dangerous these creatures can be, though nonetheless beautiful (The monstrous "Red Death" is especially terrifying, and might be scarier here than in the original movie). Toothless though is left unchanged, and is all the better for it. He's still as lovable a creation as ever, with his cat-like qualities, and those expressive eyes. Hiccup and Toothless' bond might just be too relatable and powerful to mess up, even if they tried.
"How to Train Your Dragon" is yet another remake that didn't need to be, though for better or for worse, is so faithful to the original that fans might not be able to help themselves but be once more enchanted by the story's magic. With good direction, stunning visuals (At $150 million too? That's rather impressive for a visual effects heavy movie these days. Even cost less than the original!), and some flawless casting all around (Thames and Butler really do elevate things), it's a solid family adventure, with enough laughs and enough warmth to make one forget that they're just being resold the same product as before. Again, these live-action remakes aren't going to stop when there's so much money to be made, and we can only hope that the soul is left intact somewhere in them to make it bearable. Plus, who doesn't love Dragons? It's like dangling keys to an adult baby. Can't help but smile. 3 1/2 Stars. Rated PG For Scary Images, Reptilian Rascals, And The Thickest Of Scottish Accents, Courtesy Of Gerard Butler.
Predator: Killer of Killers by James Eagan ★★★★½ out of ★★★★★
Image: Gotta love that classic architecture. Looks so life-like. As if it's about to rip out your spine.
What is it with the American moviegoers with animation? Unless it's Disney, Pixar, occasionally DreamWorks, or sometimes Illumination (If Minions are involved), not near enough people are taking it seriously enough. Still not forgiving you guys for letting "Transformers One" flop! I really just don't get why so many still see animation as either "Kid Stuff" is just lesser than live-action. We have tons of popular adult centered animation on TV as it is, and live-action generally has limitations that animation doesn't (Even then, we'd just have to CGI the crap out something to try to get past those limitations). Sometimes taking the animated approach is the only way to finally, at long last, give people what they really want to see. Especially if you're a fan of a certain group of alien hunters.
Set in the "Predator" universe (And released via Hulu), "Predator: Killer of Killers" tells three tales of three warriors across three different points in time, who each find themselves coming into conflict with one of the deadly "Yautja" (The race of tribal, alien trophy hunters, who prey on the deadliest of the deadliest) aka "The Predators". First, in Viking-era Scandinavia, a Norse warrior, "Ursa" (Lindsay LaVanchy), along with her clan, including her young son, "Anders" (Damien Haas), charge into battle against a rival tribe. Then, in feudal Japan, a ninja "Kenji" (Louis Ozawa Changchien), returns home to face off against his samurai brother, "Kyoshi" (Also Louis Ozawa Changchien), due to a family squabble over who was chosen to be their late father's successor. And finally, during World War II, a drafted fighter pilot, "Torres" (Rick Gonzalez), disobeys the orders of his commanding officer, "Vandy" (Michael Biehn), to assist his squad in taking on a mysterious enemy aircraft. All three of our main characters soon find themselves engaging in a bloody battle to the death with a Predator, with each one eager to add them to their growing kill count.
Directed by Dan Trachtenberg ("10 Cloverfield Lane", "Prey", and the upcoming "Predator: Badlands") and visual effects artist Joshua Wassung, with a screenplay by Micho Robert Rutare, "Predator: Killer of Killers" is every Predator fan's dream come to glorious life like never before. No longer hindered by the restrictions of the live-action world. This aggressively animalistic anthology has so much depth, personality, and story compacted into such a brisk runtime in the smallest of frames, than any other Predator movie thus far. The animation style is glorious anime-esque, mimicking the styles of recent works, such as the "SpiderVerse" films, "Arcane", and "Puss in Boots: The Last Wish", with slowed down frame rates, carefully crafted character designs, and vibrant colors, particularly when it comes to the blood and gore. It's over the top, yet so artistically done, with so many details hidden in every single shot, making for intense, brutal action sequences. It really shows that animation clearly shouldn't be limited only to being referred to as kid stuff. The visuals and art design are a skillful mix of gorgeous and gritty, with a sense of barbarism that perfectly fits the tone of the franchise.
While the individual stories are all essentially long battle sequences compiled together, we get to know our main characters just enough (Whether it be through the dialogue or more than half the time, the completely visual storytelling). Ursa is a dark, ruthless character, with her humanity hidden behind a life of war and vengeance. Kenji says little, but proves to have an honorable side, despite his own quest for retribution. Torres (whose excellent voice work from Rick Gonzalez) is the closest to modern, with a sense of humor and nothing but the best of intentions in spite of his inexperience. The movie rather respectfully incorporates different cultures in such seamless, profound ways, showing how they clash with the Predators, as well as with each other. Our villains are as terrifying as ever, with little hints of extra personality to them. The Viking Predator is more brutish (Almost completely relying on strength), while the Ninja Predator is more cold, calculating, and even sadistic (Seeming to enjoy killing with his various gadgets). The pilot Predator is most interesting, choosing to kill his victims from the safety of his ship, which is something we've never seen before in the franchise. There is a twist to the stories, which add something new to the mix and might even leave some clues to the future of the series. It's exciting, and when many franchises, especially horror ones, tend to spin their wheels, do the same thing repeatedly, or just go comatose, this one feels so bright.
"Predator: Killer of Killers" is a masterpiece of adult animation, without feeling the need to go overboard with the edginess. The film's violence feels earned and is fittingly gruesome, adding to the monstrous nature of the titular villains (As well as possibly even our own violent natures). Dan Trachtenberg clearly adores this franchise and wants to take it to places that others before wouldn't even dare (Remember when all they could give us was just "Predator", but in a city?). It's honestly such a shame that this isn't something that you can see in a theater right now. It's the kind of thrills, chills, and cool kills that demand a big screen experience, and deserves better than a streaming release (Much like "Prey" was a few years ago). It's got something for every "Predator" fan, as well as animation lovers, giving the feeling that these ugly mother-f*ckers are in good hands. 4 1/2 Stars. Rated R For Gory Violence, Scary Images, And Predatory Behavior.
Ballerina by James Eagan ★★★★ out of ★★★★★
Image: Straight up lethal levels of attractiveness.
The "John Wick" franchise changed the game for action movies for the better, with more emphasis being put on creativity, stunt work, and most importantly, keeping the damn camera still (I can enjoy some shaky cam from time to time, but good lord can I tell the difference). They've shown us that action scenes can be like a dance, except filled with bullets, blood, and people literally constantly being thrown through glass. A graceful, violent dance, fit for a ballerina.
Set between the third and fourth "John Wick" films, "Ballerina" opens with the backstory of "Eve Macarro" (Ana de Armas), a ballerina/assassin for the "Ruska Roma", a deadly criminal organization, where as a child, she witnessed her father's murder at the hands of a cruel cult leader, known only as "The Chancellor" (Gabriel Byrne). Eve was taken in by "Winston Scott" (Ian McShane), owner of the New York "Continental" (Hotel for assassins), allowing Eve to join the New York division of the Ruska Roman, run by "The Director" (Angelica Huston). Years later, Eve grows up to be a formidable killer, but hasn't forgotten what happened to her father, as well as the events that made her who she is today. When Eve gets a clue about the cult's whereabouts, as well as the Ruska Roma's own dealings with them, Eve decides to put her skills to track down and kill the Chancellor and his followers. However, this puts her at odds with her own people, since Eve's actions might ignite war within the criminal underworld.
Directed by Les Wiseman ("Underworld", "Live Free or Die Hard"), though some reshoots and late additions were provided by franchise creator Chad Stahelski, with a screenplay by Shay Hatten (The last two "John Wick" movies, along with "Army of the Dead" and the "Rebel Moon" films), "Ballerina" is set to be the first of likely many spin-offs based around the world building and characters of the "John Wick" saga, and while something like that mini-series from a couple years ago ("The Continental") didn't get much love, this feels completely like a step in the right direction. To craft a whole cinematic universe is difficult, but thanks to the other films having been already establishing its own lore since the very first entry, it feels natural. It definitely feels perfectly placed in the larger franchise, though with just enough tweaks to feel fresh and to stand on its own just enough. We still get some wildly elaborate, over the top action sequences, along with fascinating characters and a playfully wicked sense of humor. However, much of what sets it apart from the other "John Wick" movies is that this is a true origin story, with a less refined lead protagonist, meaning that the action also can't be exactly the same. While John was precise, quick, and relied more on force of will, Eve instead is scrappier, has to rely on out-thinking an enemy, and is surprisingly, much more brutal (People rarely died peacefully in this movies, yet it's still shocking how painful much of this looks).
It's an excellent showcase for Ana de Armas, who audiences loved in her too brief appearance in 2021's "No Time to Die" (Which left many thinking that she would make for one Hell of an action lead). It's obvious that she worked hard for this part, and it pays off, particularly during a few of the drawn out fight sequences. In true fashion for the franchise, she gets thrown around and takes an occasional beating, yet counterattacks hard, using anything and everything to survive (Such as flamethrowers, dinner plates, and in one especially gruesome scene, ice skates). From her already alluring appearance, Ana de Armas just captivates, kicking ass, and serving as a wonderful addition to the series, as well as just making for a memorable action heroine too. It's cool to see more of Angelica Huston, along with obligatory appearances from the always scene stealing Ian McShane and a final appearance for the late, great Lance Reddick (as "Charon", the Continental concierge and Winston's close confidante). Gabriel Byrne makes for a solid, easy to dislike villain, while Catalina Sandino Moreno (as "Lena", one of the Chancellor's assassins, tasked with bringing in Eve) does feel a bit underdeveloped and Norman Reedus (as "Daniel Pine", a former member of the Chancellor's group, who has gone rogue) makes the most out of a brief role. Keanu Reeves (as the Baba Yaga himself, "John Wick") basically shows up to provide some cheap fanservice, yet still provides some of the best moments in the movie.
Voraciously violent, spectacularly shot, and with Ana de Armas' strong performance, "Ballerina" is damn entertaining, matching the already high standards of the rest of the franchise, which was quite the task for a film that had been delayed quite a few times. While you can see certain places where some adjustments might have been made (Very few though), it still feels slick, like a well polished weapon, fully armed and dangerous. It leaves you wanting more like it, whether it be another new addition to the already complex world of "John Wick", an actual follow-up, or whatever kind of excuse to dance some more in this carnage fueled world of mayhem and ferocity. 4 Stars. Rated R For Really Strong, Bloody Violence, Including Killer Mini-Van Moms, Fantastic Flame-Throwing, And Whatever Excuse Any Guy Can Make To Get Choked Out By Ana de Armas' Legs. They Didn't Seem Too Unhappy About It.
Karate Kid: Legends by James Eagan ★★★ out of ★★★★★
Image: "So it looks like your next opponent is six feet tall, roided up, and bit the nose off of his own previous opponent, but I'm sure because of your spunky attitude, you'll do fine."
It really is true what they say. If it ain't broke, don't fix it. And in this case, if it's not made for you, don't let it ruin your day. Formula may be, well, formula, but to some, you could just call it tradition.
Bringing together the "Karate Kid" movies, the 2010 reboot, and setting it after the "Cobra Kai" series, "Karate Kid: Legends" opens with "Li Fong" (Ben Wang) and his mother (Ming-Na Wen), moving from China to America, where Li's mother wants him to move on from Kung Fu due to the tragic death of his brother. Once arriving in New York City, Li befriends "Mia Lipani" (Sadie Stanley), the daughter of a pizzeria owner, "Victor" (Joshua Jackson), though Li comes into conflict with Mia's rage-fueled ex, "Connor Day" (Aramis Knight), whose Dojo also is at odds with Victor due his inability to pay them back for a previous loan (These guys are basically gangsters!). Li, who learned Kung Fu from his wise master/great uncle, "Mr. Han" (Jackie Chan), agrees to help train Victor to defend himself against the thugs, though when things proceed to escalate, Mr. Han arrives to help Li train for an upcoming tournament where he can best Connor in combat. However, Mr. Han sees that this might require more than Kung Fu, but also Karate, prompting him to call over an expert, "Daniel LaRusso" (Ralph Macchio), to help mold Li into the newest Karate Kid!
Directed by Jonathan Entwistle ("I Am Not Okay With This", "The End of the F***cking World"), with a screenplay by Rob Lieber ("Peter Rabbit", "Goosebumps 2 Haunted Halloween"), "Karate Kid: Legends" is a safe, predictable, and almost enthusiastically formulaic legacy sequel. Similar to last year's "Ghostbusters: Frozen Empire", your enjoyment will either come from how much you love nostalgia or fanservice, along with how okay with the franchise sticking to what it knows best, whether or not it's even needed. It's hard to fault the movie for that, and for an unnecessary, by the numbers sequel, it's at least briskly paced, short, sweet, well acted, and likable enough to make up for a script that you now was full of studio notes and a checklist of tropes. There is an underlying sense of cynicism, at least from where the studio is concerned, yet it's not without heart, charm, and a certain old school sincerity. It's definitely one of those undemanding sort of family friendly crowdpleasers, though capably made, with Entwistle only occasionally trying to throw in a couple moments of style to make it stand out (Such as how things are translated from Mandarin to English or getting creative with title cards).
Something that elevates the material is how endearing our main cast is. Ben Wang is an appealing lead, showing off his acting chops comedically and dramatically (And not drawing to the fact that he's in his mid-20s playing a high schooler. You can't really tell). Of course, it's pretty great to see Jackie Chan and Ralph Macchio together, and though that team up doesn't come in until about the halfway point, they pretty much steal the movie (The two of them just have a solid rapport that comes across as just natural). Sadie Stanley has personality to spare (The romance is surprisingly cute), along with Joshua Jackson and Wyatt Oleff (as "Alan", Li's awkward tutor, who just becomes Li's best friend, without Li even asking). Ming-Na Wen doesn't get near enough to do, but makes up for it with her usual graceful, beautiful presence (Also, she's sixty-one years old! That's insane!). Everything with the villains are pretty weak, underwritten, and in typical "Karate Kid" fashion, are too overly cartoonish to be taken seriously.
"Karate Kid: Legends" isn't a great movie by any sort of standard, and the more professional part of me is telling me not to like it, but the cast and characters are charming enough, with a few moments of okay humor, and even a little heart, make it perfectly pleasantly passable. Sometimes a movie just needs to be likable to get by, and I'm sure it'll delight just enough to make it feel necessary, even when all know damn well it really wasn't. 3 Stars. Rated PG-13, Though Really Feels Like A PG, For Slight Language, Dramatic And Heavy Backstories, And A Lot Of Jacket-Offing.
Friendship by James Eagan ★★★★½ out of ★★★★★
Image: One of the two reactions people will have to this movie.
In the first ten minutes or so of this movie, you'll likely figure out if you're going to like this movie or not. By the time it ends, you'll either love it or you'll hate every moment of it. It's despicable, painfully cringey, borderline disturbing, aggressively irrational and grating, and at times, just plain perplexing in nature, so it shouldn't be a surprise to anyone that I'm one of the weirdos that loved it.
"Friendship" follows a socially awkward suburban husband, father, and marketing executive, "Craig Waterman" (Tim Robinson), not having noticed how distant he's become from his cancer survivor wife, "Tami" (Kate Mara) and son "Steven" (Jack Dylan Grazer), and also has no real friends or human connections of any kind. After a package is misdelivered to his house, Craig returns it to his new neighbor, "Austin Carmichael" (Paul Rudd), a charming, well liked weatherman. Craig and Austin seemingly hit it off, becoming friends, with Craig embracing this new kind of relationship that he's never experienced before. However, after Craig's abrasive, unrelenting, and almost unhinged nature ruins a night with Austin and his other friends, Austin decides that maybe it's best to just end their friendship there. Craig proceeds to obsess over this breakup, threatening to cause his already fragile family and work life to come crashing down in a blaze of obsessive inanity.
Written and directed by Andrew DeYoung (Known for TV work), "Friendship" is one of those movies that could so easily become a horror movie, and at times, it looks like that's exactly what's going to happen. It's a fascinating, baffling character study into someone who is just not right in so many ways, to the point where it's somewhat tragic, so hard to watch, and, well, absolutely hilarious. Filmed like an extended episode of a sitcom gone horrifically wrong, it feels like you've entered a nightmarish world of internal embarrassment, where everything is just a little on the weird side, making the main character stand out even more due to him somehow finding a way to upstage everybody else in that department. It's also unrestrained in its humor, which will either be a simple comedic gag on moment, will just be something completely random or out of the blue the next, and is even at times rather subtle, hiding darker, depressing themes behind the facade of a silly comedy. When the movie gets surreal though, that's where it shines, because unlike a few of the more recent, disappointing projects from "A24", it doesn't feel like they're just doing something weird for the sake of weirdness. It actually has something to say, along with an immensely satisfying, curveball of a payoff (Such as the soon to be infamous "Subway" scene, that has a lot of layers for a joke that lasts only a minute).
Much of this is because of Tim Robinson, who has a career in off-kilter cringe comedy. Robinson doesn't have any restraint when it comes to making himself look like an obnoxious buffoon (And I can't exactly describe how or why, but something about his face just finds ways of getting a big laugh). Even with his character's weaponized unpleasantness, there is a delight to watching him unravel and a couple small moments of nuance. You do get that this is not entirely mentally well person (Which at times makes him a bit frightening), who's issues could be fixable or at least salvageable, if he'd be willing to acknowledge them and actually work on them. Kate Mara is a warm presence, even though you spend most of the runtime wondering how in the Hell did he marry someone like her in the first place (It's addressed a bit that clearly he just got lucky and it's even more obvious that he doesn't deserve her). Paul Rudd (And his epic mustache) is at his most Paul Rudd here, with the film giving little hints that this image of perfection that Craig has about the character might also be in his head (Little moments that give off the idea that Austin might be going through a bit of a mid-life crisis of his own, with Craig's instability being the last thing needed added to the mix).
"Friendship" might just be the funniest movie I've seen in years, with too many hard laughs to count, along with equally painful ones that more than half the time only add to the humor. In a way, it's supposed to make you squint, recoil, and feel like you're trapped in a seemingly endless loop of self-conscious uncomfortability, and boy, if you don't up for that, it's best you don't bother. As for me though, I found it to be hysterical, rough to sit through, hysterically rough to sit through, and a little sad, like a crying clown that you also wish would die of a deadliest disease because you secretly want him to suffer. And they say that Friendship is essential to the soul. 4 1/2 Stars. Rated R For Strong Language, Strong Cringe, Demented Drumming, And Amphibious Licking.
Lilo & Stitch by James Eagan ★★★ ½ out of ★★★★★
Image: Stitch has been playing a little too much GTA.
Disney, you're not bad. You just do bad things sometimes. Even when the product itself isn't bad, it does come from such a corporate level of villainy that only the house of mouse is capable of (Not surprising, considering how many iconic villains that studio has given us over the years). I feel like a broken record talking about these live-action remakes of their classic animated films, with a couple being better films, most ranging from solid enough to okay, and then there's 2022's "Pinocchio". Now they're giving us a safe, watered down, small scaled version of their more modern and most unique, but still wonderful movies, "Lilo & Stitch"? That's a cash grab right there if I ever saw one. And you wanna know what the worst part is? The absolute worst part? Against my better judgement and almost begrudgingly, I have to admit that you guys still got to me! You made me smile! You warmed my heart through the cheapest of moves! And I hate you for it!
A not entirely by the book remake of the original, this "Lilo & Stitch" opens with fuzzy, blue alien monstrosity, "Experiment 626" (Voiced by the returning Chris Sanders) and his mad scientist creator, "Dr. Jumba Jookiba" (Voiced by Zach Galifianakis), are on trial by orders of the alien leader, "The Grand Councilwoman" (Voiced by Hannah Waddingham). The plan is to exile 626 before he can cause any havoc, only for 626 to break free, cause some havoc, then escape to the planet Earth. The Grand Councilwoman agrees to allow Jumba to capture 626, with the aid of an excitable, self-proclaimed "Earth Expert", "Agent Pleakley" (Voiced by Billy Magnussen). Cut to Earth in the Hawaiian Islands, a young, troublemaking, but creative girl, "Lilo Pelekai" (Maia Kealoha), has been acting out, causing issues with her older sister/legal guardian, "Nani" (Sydney Elizebeth Agudong), with both of them still having not recovered from the deaths of their parents. Nani is also in danger of losing guardianship of Lilo to Social Services, with social worker, "Mrs. Kekoa" (Tia Carrere, who voiced Nani in the original), giving Nani just a couple days to fix things. Meanwhile, 626 crashes on the Islands, deciding to pose as a dog to protect himself from capture by Jumba and Pleakley (Who take on human disguises to blend in, which are also conveniently played by Zach Galifianakis and Billy Magnussen). Lilo immediately takes a liking to 626, with both of them being adorable little forces of destruction, giving him the name "Stitch". With Stitch's antics now interfering with Nani's attempts to find stability with Lilo, along with the arrival of an undercover agent by the name of "Cobra Bubbles" (Courtney B. Vance), who is also on the hunt for Stitch, thus putting Lilo and Nani's Ohana in jeopardy.
Directed by Dean Fleischer Camp ("Marcel the Shell with Shoes On"), with a screenplay by Chris Kekaniokalani Bright and Mike Van Waes, "Lilo & Stitch" is thankfully, not a carbon copy of the original. While I can agree with the very idea of all these remakes being a sign of trying to make a quick buck by spending as much money as possible, the biggest annoyance for me has been how often some of them just do the same exact thing, almost beat for beat. I do appreciate when the filmmakers are at least allowed to make necessary changes (Whether or not they always work) in hopes of at getting something a little different or adding something new to something old. It can work so long as the new version remembers what made the original work so well and for the most part, this one succeeds. For the most part. The budget isn't nearly as big as other remakes (Which generally come in at over $200 million to even $300 million), with likely 80% of the budget going into Stitch alone. The smaller scale, for better in some cases and for worse in others (No unconvincing disguises for Jumba and Pleakley like in the original), does mean that the filmmakers have to focus on the dynamics of family, the quirky antics of our titular characters, and the heart,that made the original such a classic. Of course, it's been neutered a bit, with the original's edge shaved off (Not as many guns this time and the original's semi-main antagonist "Gantu" missing, combined with Jumba) and certainly lacks much of the original's depth as well. Still, there is enough to make for a delightful time for the family, with the kids especially likely going to have an absolute blast (Whether or not they've seen the original version). One reason is in spite of all of the obvious corporate mandates (Which have held back quite a few recent Disney projects, such as their recent remake of "Snow White"), this one seems to have been made by people with their hearts in the right place, while also giving the target audience what they want, which is the cute factor. And boy, does this movie have that. Dean Fleischer Camp, known for much smaller, personal indie projects, is a little new to the bigger production values (And the film has some noticeably sporadic editing early on), but one can see he's not being trapped in the Disney machine, particularly when the film slows down and embraces the softer, sweeter moments. It also helps that a lot of the characters are as likable as ever, thanks to capable performances.
Sydney Elizebeth Agudong and Maia Kealoha, both getting their big breaks, are still a pair of upancomers, yet they both have a lot of personality and some pretty wonderful chemistry. I really don't see how you can dislike them, even if you're not a fan of the movie (Let alone its existence). Nani is given a more urgent role this time, while Lilo is still an adorably troubled, though good hearted ball of joy (Kealoha even has solid comic timing, which is especially impressive considering there are times she had to act against a non-existent CGI character). It's nice to hear Chris Sanders' voice back as Stitch, and out of everything in the movie, they get the blue fuzzy, chaotic critter down perfectly. Stitch has always been one of Disney's greatest creations, and they would have needed to go out of their way to get him wrong in this. He's hilarious, delightful, and so marketable, likely guaranteeing this movie a huge box office. There are some fine new characters or newer additions to the story, and it's cool to see some of the original voices appearing in some capacity, such as Tia Carrere, Jason Scott Lee (as Nani's boss), and Amy Hill (as "Tūtū", Nani and Lilo's kind neighbor). Hannah Waddingham is perfectly cast to the point you can't tell the difference between her and the original, while Courtney B. Vance looks to be having a lot of fun. Zach Galifianakis (Sadly not doing the original character's semi-Russian accent), plays a more villainous version of the character, yet still gets a few funny lines, while Billy Magnussen appears more than committed and is a scene-stealer (Don't worry. He may not be cross-dressing in this, but they don't hold back in the character's obvious gayness).
Not anywhere near as great as the 2002 original and as usual, doesn't need to completely exist, "Lilo & Stitch" makes up for the cynical intentions behind its conception with some good laughs, a charming cast, and more heart and sincerity than an unnecessary live-action remake would usually allow. The film has a few emotional moments in the last act that work (Mostly for cheap reasons that will make even the most curmudgeon go "Awwww"), and I just couldn't bring myself to dislike it. It's flawed.....also cute and fluffy! 3 1/2 Stars. Rated PG For Alien Action, Some Portal Play (Who Didn't Do Any Of These Moves In "Portal 2"?), And Stitch's Dirty, Dirty Mouth.
Mission: Impossible - The Final Reckoning by James Eagan ★★★★½ out of ★★★★★
Image: Cruise may be crazy......Forgot where I was going with this because THAT'S F*CKIN' CRAZY!
The road to this movie coming out has been a turbulent one for sure. Originally envisioned as a two parter, filmed back to back with the titles being "Dead Reckoning - Part One" and "Dead Reckoning - Part Two", going for a 2021 release, only to be delayed in 2020 due to the Covid pandemic. "Dead Reckoning - Part One" finally came out in 2023, with more delays happening such as the strikes, with the "Part One" being dropped from the previous film's title after release, and "Dead Reckoning - Part Two" instead becoming "The Final Reckoning" (Confirming that this likely is the grand finale to the entire, highly acclaimed franchise). This is what happens when you do everything as old school and practically as possible, resulting in huge budgets and so much hard, back breaking work. I can totally see why most movies now want to avoid such things and I don't fault them for it. Still, that kind of blood, sweat, tears, and Scientology can craft some wildly inventive, edge of your seat, anxiety spiking thrills in ways nothing else can.
Following up a few months after the events of the previous film, "Mission: Impossible - The Final Reckoning" follows "Ethan Hunt" (Tom cruise), the once again disavowed agent of the "IMF" (Impossible Mission Force), still at war with the malicious, world dominating AI known simply as "The Entity". Now literally holding the key to defeating The Entity, Ethan, along with his fellow agents, "Luther Stickell" (Ving Rhames) and "Benji Dunn" (Simon Pegg), are on the run from intelligence agents, "Theo Degas" (Greg Tarzan Davis) and "Jasper Briggs" (Shea Whigham), who in particular has it out for Ethan. Ethan's search for the Entity's former minion/Ethan's arch-nemesis, "Gabriel" (Esai Morales), leads to him breaking Gabriel's own former, betrayed henchwoman, "Paris" (Pom Klementieff), out of prison, while also convincing Degas to join his cause to prevent everyone, including the US government, from ever controlling the Entity. Reunited with pickpocket ally, "Grace" (Hayley Atwell), who now pretends to work for former bureaucratic IMF director turned CIA director, "Eugene Kittridge" (Henry Czerny), Ethan's team is now fully together and ready to bring down the Entity once and for all, thus preventing possible global extinction of all mankind.
Directed by the returning Christopher McQuarrie (Director of the last three entries in the franchise), who co-wrote the screenplay with Erik Jendresen (Who co-wrote the last film as well), "Mission: Impossible - The Final Reckoning" is may just be the biggest movie of the year in more ways than one. Whether it be the budget, the length, the scope, the story, the amount of actors, and just how much that happens in the movie, with so many intricate piece moving most of the time at once, it can get a little disorienting. This doesn't even include how many loose ends, call backs, and inclusions from previous films find their way into this one. I can't possibly see another movie topping the massive scale that this movie has, and because of that, it means that there are a couple of issues here and there. Maybe for a moment, there is too much going on or a couple too many tie-ins to something else from another one of the previous movies. We're not even going to get into the logistics of what's exactly plausible when it comes to separating real life from the movies (Gotta just go with it sometimes). All of this comes together in the most beautifully, artistically, and professionally constructed near mess that literally if it was made by anybody else, it would be a total disaster. Instead, what we get is what I can only describe as a flawed masterpiece, where the minor gripes aren't near enough to overshadow the commendable filmmaking on display.
McQuarrie, along with Tom Cruise himself, have crafted an insane, yet also insanely entertaining, near three hour action epic. I can already tell, it ain't gonna appeal to everybody, though you'd be crazy yourself not to commend in some capacity. From the word go, the movie jumps right in and doesn't take a moment to breathe, mostly because there really isn't any time to do so. It's not even just action. Sometimes, the movie just has to move fast, with impeccable quick editing (Having done some editing in my life, the editors must have had more patience than I do), rapid fire dialogue, and even just sequences of characters talking, whether it be explaining what's going on now or what's happened before, or just moving things along, taking time to stop likely would have killed the momentum. McQuarrie's direction is something to both admire and to fear, because to keep this level of enormity as grounded as humanly possible requires the kind of mental determination that no normal sentient being can have. It also takes real skill to make scenes of people just talking back and forth seem just as exciting as the most elaborate action sequence, along with cutting back and forth between other characters in possibly just as dire situations. And yeah, that can be too much to take in at times. Yet, god is it something else to see on the big screen. Especially when you're so drawn in by the infectious sense of adrenaline.
Of course, a lot of credit does need to go to Tom Cruise. That man may be a raving lunatic, but damn it, he's going to give it everything he's got to make sure the old fashioned joy of the cinema is still alive. It also helps that Ethan Hunt remains such a cool, likable action hero, who has reached Messiah levels of heroism by this point, though considering everything else he's been through over the course of eight movies, he kind of is (Let's see Vin Diesel do any of this in the "Fast & Furious" movies!). It also helps that Cruise seems to naturally just have chemistry with any actor on the screen, and boy, does this movie feature a huge ensemble made up of recognizable faces, returning from previous entries or otherwise. Hayley Atwell is effortlessly charming and beyond beautiful (Looking absolutely angelic in a couple key scenes. When you see it, you'll know what I'm talking about!), Ving Rhames is wonderful and warm, and Simon Pegg has rather seamlessly evolved from the comics relief into having his own action hero moments. A badass Pom Klementieff and Greg Tarzan Davis (Getting some nice elevation to the main cast) make for great additions to the team, while Esai Morales looks to be having a blast just being the most smug and most detestable villain this franchise has yet.
There are other excellent supporting performances from other returning characters, like a suitably shady Henry Czerny, Shea Whigham, Angela Bassett (as "Erika Sloane", the former CIA director, who has become the President of the United States), and a terrifically scene-stealing Rolf Saxon (as "William Donloe", the poor analyst from the first movie that found himself transferred to Alaska). We also get a who's who collection of other supporting cast members in small parts (That will at times suddenly turn big), which include Holt McCallany (as the pessimistic Secretary of Defense), Janet McTeer (as the Secretary of State), Nick Offerman (as the Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff), an especially memorable Tramell Tillman (as "Captain Bledsoe", a submarine commander, who assists Ethan), Lucy Tulugarjuk (as "Tapeesa", Donloe's caring wife), Katy O'Brian (as "Kodiak", a member of Bledsoe's crew), and Hannah Waddingham (as "Neely", an admiral ally of Ethan's), who does a frighteningly perfect American accent, along with quite a few more recognizable faces.
"Mission: Impossible - The Final Reckoning" might not be this summer's objectively best film (I can see some, especially those who haven't followed the other movies as closely as some have), though it's certainly what should come to mind when you think of a Summer blockbuster. With creatively chaotic sequences that will become legendary (Such as Ethan traversing a turning, sunken submarine or the film's terrifying climatic plane battle), strong character moments and performances to match, and high stakes emotions, where not everything might work together perfectly, it culminates in the kind of filmmaking majesty that we'll likely never see again. I get why movies today would rather do things digitally, due to it being easier, faster, and safer, but seeing the real deal with your very own eyes, along with all the impeccable effort that went into making it happen, you just can't top that. It's the final, longest, roughest, most exhausting, anxiety inducing and heart stopping mission yet, and while I can see some not being able to completely accept it, I can't think of a possible better way this all could have come to a close. In Ethan Hunt, we trust. 4 1/2 Stars. Rated PG-13 For Death-Defying Stunt Work, Atrocious AI Anomalies, And The Fact That Movie Theaters Won't Be Providing Defibrillators To Use After The Movie. You Might Need It.
Hurry Up Tomorrow by James Eagan ★ out of ★★★★★
Image: Giving The Weeknd some comfort after he sees his movie's Rotten Tomatoes score.
So that's what it feels like to have someone jerk off all over my face to a picture of themselves, while repeatedly calling themselves a genius. That was literally something that I never knew could happen and certainly never wanted to experience now or ever again. What sicko's bucket list was that on?
Serving as a companion piece to the recently released album of the same name from Abel Tesfaye a.k.a. "The Weeknd", "Hurry Up Tomorrow" follows "Abel Tesfaye" (As himself obviously, because who else can play The Weeknd except The Weeknd?), who has just suffered an intense breakup, resulting in him going through a deep depression that has even started to interfere with his singing voice. While his overzealous manager, "Lee" (Barry Keoghan) just seems to think that he needs to simply get over it and move on, Abel proceeds to have an emotional and mental breakdown onstage. However, Abel meets an angelic looking young fan, "Anima" (Jenna Ortega), and the two decide to run away into the city together. Little does Abel know though, Anima is rather unstable herself and what at first starts out as something possibly beautiful and personal, eventually turns dark, twisted, and oh so pretentious.
Directed by Trey Edward Shults ("It Comes at Night", "Waves"), who co-wrote the screenplay with Reza Fahim ("The Idol") and Abel Tesfaye (Because again, obviously!), "Hurry Up Tomorrow" feels like a total musician vanity project, though that's nothing new and really, that's not always a bad thing. I mean, we just recently had "Better Man", which was one of the best movies of last year. Except, while that film had visual wonder, creative musical sequences, and a touching, thought provoking story that went into the mind of its artist and provided a deeper understanding of who he is and why, this instead feels like nothing but an ego trip of a self-proclaimed "tortured artist". It comes across as not only shallow, but most of all, fake as sh*t. I've seen some of Shults' films and he's a director with style, even if said style does generally overwhelm the rest of the film. Sadly, this is just his worst tendencies taking center stage in an hour and forty minutes slog that seems to lack any sense of self-awareness. It treats itself with the highest esteem, with no sense of humor or understanding of just how ridiculous this whole thing is, as if it's going to be the next acclaimed classic (On the downside, I see the cringiest, most annoying of hipsters eating this all up). Sure, Trey Edward Shults doesn't hold back in the onslaught of colors, seizure inducing visuals, and drawn out moments of people just looking at each other, but because of all the excess of camera tricks and flashiness, at about the fifty minute point you realize, nothing has actually happened yet. The freakin selling point of Jenna Ortega tying up The Weeknd to a bed doesn't even happen till the last twenty minutes! The movie ironically won't "Hurry Up!".
Look, I'm not going to say that Abel Tesfaye isn't without talent (And hey, "Blinding Lights" might be one of the catchiest ear worms in the past decade), but between this and the critically panned "The Idol", clearly he's not cut out for acting. At least, such overly serious, dramatic acting. He's atrocious in this, even with little dialogue, struggling to emote in any coherent way, which is saying something when the movie is often so incoherent itself. It's especially noticeable when he struggles to act against someone like Jenna Ortega, who has proven herself to be more than capable. Sadly, even she's not particularly good in this either. It could just be poor direction, the awkward situations she's put in, or the fact that her typecasting as "Dream Goth Girl" might be getting old, but I don't remotely blame her. She just plain doesn't have any good material to work with (Nobody can salvage a scene where they have to dance around like a lunatic to The Weeknd's music, while explaining the "complexities" behind the songs). Speaking of things wearing thin, Barry Keoghan goes into overdrive with his trademark weirdness in a desperate attempt to get some damn personality in this thing, and it's annoying at first, then eventually pointless. It's funny how this is somewhat billed as a musical, because there are only two moments that would barely classify as musical numbers, with it being the same exact song, shot almost exactly the same way, and with one of them incomplete. So it fails at that, and at being an insightful thriller, due to the film taking nearly a fifteen minutes detour into semi-horror with a dream sequence that's so poorly shot and underlit that it becomes a nightmare for completely different reasons than what were intended.
With unexplained plot points and almost zero story structure, "Hurry Up Tomorrow" might have a decent looking shot or two, only mixed in with plenty of mostly ugly and unpleasant visuals and exceeding amounts of drug induced imagery, though most of the time, it's so uninteresting to look at. No character. The bare minimum of insight (Trying to say something about the toxicity with relationships, yet in the blandest way possible). And gratingly slow. It's certainly a product of self-pitying ego, spawned from likely ingesting too much A24-like media and from being told you're the greatest to ever live a few too many times. I also blame "Euphoria" personally, but that's just me. Maybe it's time we all took a little break from The Weeknd. It's the best for everyone, including him. 1 Star. Rated R For Language, Drug Use, Seriously Sadistic Levels Of Self-Importance, And The Future Meme Of Watching The Weeknd Attempt To Act Against An Over The Top Jenna Ortega. Trust Me, You'll Know The Scene Very Soon And It's Soon To Be Legendary!
Final Destination: Bloodlines by James Eagan ★★★½ out of ★★★★★
Image: When a game of "Got Your Nose" gets taken too far.
Not gonna lie here. After something like "The Monkey", which practically bathed itself in gloriously, almost cartoonishly over the top ways for people to die, returning to this franchise doesn't feel all that unique anymore. It also doesn't help that I can only think of two of the other "Final Destination" movies that are actually good (Granted, maybe that might be pushing it for some). So they really had to step up their kill game for this one, and while I can't say they quite found themselves on the same level as "The Monkey", they sure as Hell went all out with this one to make sure that everybody remembers that death itself is the one, true, unstoppable slasher of them all!
The sixth (And Final?) entry in the series, "Final Destination: Bloodlines" opens in 1968, with "Iris Campbell" (Brec Bassinger) joining her boyfriend at the grand opening for a state of the art, excessively tall restaurant tower (First mistake was even bothering to go there if you ask me), which results in mass chaos, followed by everybody there suffering a horrific demise, along with the complete destruction of the tower. It turns out this is just a dream being experienced by "Stefani Reyes" (Kaitlyn Santa Juana), the estranged granddaughter of Iris (Now played by Gabrielle Rose), who prevented all of the deaths from happening in real life, though let her fears of Death itself push her away from her family. Stefani, reuniting with her younger brother, "Charlie" (Teo Briones), along with their cousins "Erik" (Richard Harmon), "Bobby" (Owen Patrick Joyner), and "Julia" (Anna Lore), wants to know more about Iris and to get to the bottom of why she's having such a traumatic dream. After Stefani tracks down Iris, she learns that after Iris ruined Death's plans, she put everyone on Death's hit list, and since there were so many who were meant to die, with many of them going on to have families, Death has had to work its way down the list (Thus including all of the families who were never meant to exist). Now Iris' family is all that remains, which also includes Stefani's equally estranged mother, "Darlene" (Rya Kihlstedt). Stefani must now find a way to save her family and prevent Death's twisted game of, well, death, from claiming all of their lives, though in typical "Final Destination" fashion, that's a job easier said than done.
Directed by Zach Lipovsky and Adam Stein (Who both collaborated on that live-action "Kim Possible" television movie, which I heard was very scary for other reasons), with a screenplay by Guy Busick ("Abigail", "Ready or Not", and the two most recent "Scream" movies) and Lori Evans Taylor ("Bed Rest"), "Final Destination: Bloodlines" at first glance could have just been a cardboard cutout version of previous entries, being yet another horror franchise being revived like a literal zombie in hopes of getting some quick cast without any effort. It's a genuine surprise that this is not only the best movie in the franchise, it also feels like the most necessary, with much more to say, more creativity to show off, and of course, much more death and destruction than ever before. It's a pretty inspired idea to address what happens if those who survive one of Death's insanely elaborate traps long enough to have kids, thus prolonging the nightmare for generations to come. While it may have a bigger budget than what they're used to working with, Lipovsky and Stein seem to know the rules of the franchise, which is all about building up tension, setting up the pieces, and then knocking them down with maniacal fervor. The film's gorgeous gruesome opening sequence with the tower collapsing is worth the price of admission alone, with imaginative camera angles and intense buildup, along with a dash of twisted humor and bloody imagery. It's where even the mostly solid enough, if not occasionally inconsistent, CGI can be forgiven because it oddly adds to the nightmarish absurdity. This also makes for the funniest movie in the series too, with the filmmakers taking the right amount of sadistic, tongue in cheek glee, that fans of the franchise have become accustomed to.
Sometimes the performances have to make up for thinly written characters, but these are fairly likable enough, at least to the point you really don't want to see any of them die, though that would ruin the fun if they didn't. I do like Kaitlyn Santa Juana and Rya Kihlstedt, while Richard Harmon pretty much steals the show most of the time by having literally the worst time out of all of the characters, yet has the most humorous reactions to them (His comic timing is flawless). Brec Bassinger (From "Stargirl) is rather terrific in her cameo during the prologue, while the film also features a brief, but wonderful appearance from the late, great Tony Todd (as "William Bludworth", the mysterious mortician, who has appeared in a few of these movies to offer up his advice on how to escape or at least delay Death), who gets possibly one of the finest, most fitting, yet still rather poignant sendoffs that I've ever seen an actor get in a movie. It's a genuinely moving scene that sums up the entire franchise as a whole, and even puts things into a new perspective (It's to the point I really can't see them continuing without him).
"Final Destination: Bloodlines" has some of the usual, CW-esque silliness (And a couple weird ADR moments) and yeah, I really think it just couldn't quite top the insanity of the equally sadistic "The Monkey". However, it's still plenty darkly hilarious, shockingly deep, and intricately unhinged to the point you can't help but accept the inevitability of Death, whose greedy, petty claws are coming for everyone no matter how hard you try to escape them. It's a clever, occasionally smarter than it even needs to be, rebirth of a franchise that you had no idea ironically had any life left in it. 3 1/2 Stars. Rated R For Gory Gruesomeness, Freaky Flammability, Painful Pennies, Slaying Soccer Balls, And Punishment By Penis Ring.
Shadow Force by James Eagan ★½ out of ★★★★★
Image: Literally being held hostage by this movie.
Man, wasn't "Thunderbolts*" great? So nice to have a genuinely wonderful Marvel movie in theaters, right? How about "Sinners"? Literal masterpiece of blockbuster filmmaking, that also happens to be gaining so much momentum at the box office. Hey, we also got a new "Mission: Impossible" movie in a couple weeks, and say what you will about those live-action Disney remakes, but of course a bunch of us are going to see "Lilo & Stitch". We'd be crazy not to. Who here is talking about "Shadow Force"? Who looks at all those movies and says "Nah! I need some real cinema, like Shadow Force!"? Give us "Shadow Force". Can't wait for that "Shadow Force"! Yeah, that's a little mean to say, but look at this! I should be watching this on my phone via Netflix or Amazon Prime. I shouldn't be watching "Shadow Force" at 12:00 a.m. in a theater, where most people have already gone home by now! Those days should be done in this new era of theatrical releases vs. streaming. As harsh as that sounds.
"Shadow Force" opens with seemingly single father, "Isaac Sarr" (Omar Sy), protecting his son, "Ky" (Jahleel Kamara), from bank robbers. Isaac's actions expose himself to the world, with it turning out that he, along with his secret wife/Ky's mother, "Kyrah Owens" (Kerry Washington), were once part of a multinational special forces group, known as "Shadow Force" (With Kyrah having gone into hiding to protect Isaac and Ky by taking out anyone who gets close to discovering them). However, with Isaac now exposed, the vengeful creator of Shadow Force, "Jack Cinder" (Mark Strong), intends to tie up any loose ends, sending the remaining members of Shadow Force to kill Isaac and Kyrah, along with Ky if necessary. Now Kyrah and Isaac must reunite after years apart to protect their son from Cinder's Shadow Force, with aid from fellow agents "Auntie" (Da'Vine Joy Randolph) and "Unc" (Method Man), planning to bring down Cinder and all of his operations once and for all.
Directed by Joe Carnahan ("Smokin' Aces", "The A-Team", "The Grey", "Copshop"), who co-wrote the film with Leon Chills ("The Wilds"), "Shadow Force" might sound like the most generic, forgettable, and dullest of action movies that went out of style pre-Covid. That's because it's nothing more than just that. The whole movie feels like it's on autopilot, from the direction, the script, and even some of the acting, as if it's only meant to be something you leave on in the background while cleaning your living room and at some point completely forget you even turned on in the first place. Now, I'm used to watching those kinds of movies at home, but to see one of them in theaters feels just wrong. While the movie has its moments where you can see maybe something could have been done with this, yet from the film's safe, very underwhelming plot to the screenplay that relies on so much exposition (As if this was the first couple episodes in the second season of a show you never watched), there's nothing to get all that invested in. Even the action is tame, despite how freakin violent it is (Seems to happen a lot with bad movies lately I noticed, where they try to make up for the lack of style in the action with blood and gore), and despite Carnahan having shown before that he can craft a damn good action scene in the past, this feels like it could have been directed by anybody.
Kerry Washington and Omar Sy have as much chemistry as they can, though their "playful bickering" gets really old really fast (And there are moments where Washington for some reason starts to overact, though likely the film's inconsistent tone might be the cause of that). Mark Strong is his usual capable Mark Strong self, even when he's playing such a by the numbers villain, who gets more ridiculous the longer the movie goes on, while Oscar winner Da'Vine Joy Randolph and Method Man are relatively fun, even if their very existence in the movie only adds to the all over the place tonal shifts (Cutesy comedy, followed by gritty, violent action, and then a shift to an almost superhero element on a whim). I feel bad to talk about child actors and though Jahleel Kamara isn't without personality, they make the poor kid do way too much and act so overly precious, that it becomes grating to the point you just want the character to simply shut the Hell up (Always adding in "cute" little quips when the scene 100% doesn't need it). The rest of the villains are almost completely nameless, faceless baddies that are seemingly built up as the best of the best, but do absolutely nothing, with the only standout being Marvin Jones III (as one of the Shadow Force recruits) simply because he was the only actor of the bunch I recognized.
Boring, basic, and bombastically bland, "Shadow Force" makes for the most insipid movie I've seen so far this year, taking up time and space in a theater auditorium that could have housed something either better or at least something more interesting. Perhaps there was once something of flavor back when the movie first started production (Only to languish on the shelf for almost three years after filming wrapped), but the final product is a convoluted mess of lameness and excessive ennui. Granted, it likely didn't help that I watched this so late at night. Still, nobody is going to be clamoring for more after this, especially when we got bigger, better, or even just more imaginative things to choose from. These kinds of action movies have kind of worn out their welcome, and need to vanish back into the shadows until further notice. 1 1/2 Stars. Rated R For Strong Language and Violence, Along With Enough Lionel Richie To Last Me A Lifetime.
Clown in a Cornfield by James Eagan ★★★★ out of ★★★★★
Image: This clown has still killed less people than Ronald McDonald.
So who would have thought that something called "Clown in a Cornfield" would be the next great slasher comedy/likely cult classic? Sounds like something that you would stumble upon on the deepest, darkest reaches of "Tubi" by accident and would have been the biggest pile of dogsh*t you've ever seen in your life. However, much like a lot with the film, it's all about subversion and how looks can be very, very deceiving.
Based on the book by Adam Cesare, "Clown in a Cornfield" follows "Quinn Maybrook" (Katie Douglas), as she moves with her widowed father (Aaron Abrams) to the small town of "Kettle Springs" (A town that essentially stopped progressing past the 90s. Jason Aldean likely touches himself to the very concept of this). Quinn is warned about the strangeness of the town by the loner "Rust" (Vincent Muller), and quickly notices just how bitter and antagonistic many of the older people are. Quinn befriends a group of juvenile delinquents, which includes "Cole Hill" (Carson MacCormac), the son of the town's mayor, "Arthur" (Kevin Durand), with the group of friends being basically blamed for everything that goes wrong in the town. However, their many pranks and various videos centered around turning the town mascot, "Frendo the Clown", into a serial killer. It turns out though that there really is a serial killer dressed as Frendo the Clown, going around and gruesomely killing people. Eventually finding herself trapped around the town's rather massive cornfield, Quinn and her friends must evade a deranged killer that plans on hacking them up in as gory, yet playfully horrific a way as possible.
Directed by Eli Craig ("Tucker & Dale vs. Evil"), who co-wrote the screenplay with Carter Blanchard, "Clown in a Cornfield" starts off as if it's just going to be a "Scream" clone, which I wouldn't say is necessarily a bad thing, since we've had a few solid ones like "Thanksgiving" or "Heart Eyes" (Last year's "Founder's Day" didn't completely work, but it also had a worthwhile idea). That's only like the first half hour, before you start to slowly realize that something is a little different. The filmmakers cleverly seem to know the genre through and through, thinking about what fans of it would want to see, while also taking giddy pride in also going against the conventions of the genre. Eli Craig's direction also never feels cheap, like you'd usually expect from movies such as this. It's nice to have a low budget horror movie that actually looks slick and as if it has a place in a theater, with some practical gore and some fun, even at times pretty intense, setpieces. The film also balances out the terror with the comedy, which isn't overly meta and just feels, well, very much like something you'd hear coming out of the mouths of GenZ characters (Which plays a major part in the film's various twists and turns).
The cast, while made up of either our likable main characters, disposable victims, and possible suspects, all look to be having a lot of fun, playing the film straight with just enough of a hint of humor. Katie Douglas is especially appealing,, along with her excellent father-daughter chemistry with Aaron Abrams. We also get a few recognizable faces, such as Will Sasso (as "Dunne", the town's stereotypically southern sheriff) and Kevin Durand, with all of them clearly having the time of their lives. The film takes a few unexpected turns with a few characters, right down to who just gets killed off in ways that are equally brutal and horrifying, yet are still balanced out by the fact that these kills are being performed by someone in an overly authentic clown costume (Complete with honking shoes). Now it's not entirely difficult to put together what's really going on by the end, but I'll give a lot of credit to how the script isn't too obvious about it and still finds clever ways of adhering to predictability without being too derivative.
"Clown in a Cornfield" is a bloody blast of silliness, but with a shocking amount of smarts and even a little political relevance to go with it, poking fun at the generational divide that really has only gotten wider and wider over the past few decades. Funny, fast paced, ferocious, and even a little freaky, making for one of the best slashers we've had in some time. Destined to become a cult favorite, though I wouldn't mind there being a franchise being born from all this (There are other books in the series after all). Talk about an unpleasantly pleasant surprise. 4 Stars. Rated R For Strong, Bloody Violence, Clown Carnage, Teenage Troubles, And The Most Miserable Over Thirty To Forty Year Olds Ever Put To Film.
Thunderbolts* by James Eagan ★★★★½ out of ★★★★★
Image: Typical Comic Con experience.
People may be so quick to forget, but when a "Marvel" movie hits (And I mean, really really hits), it fills you with the kind cinematic joy that gets the audience applauding, begging for more, and even returning for repeat viewings. Why do you think the "Marvel Cinematic Universe" has gone on for so long? We're thirty-six movies in by now, and yeah, there have been a couple missteps, particularly since "Avengers: Endgame", it's not like we still haven't gotten an instant classic blockbuster or two. It's easy to complain about oversaturation and while that's certainly true and all, but damn it, these films have in a way, saved the cinema experience in their own way. You don't have to like it, but you can't logically deny it. Still, it's fair to wonder if maybe they've run their course and think that they might not be able to pump you up the same way they once used to. And then here they come with possibly one of their top ten best films overall. Not just for this phase. I mean, since the very beginning.
Following the events of "Avengers: Endgame" and "Black Widow" (Along with connecting events from "Ant-Man and the Wasp" and "Black Panther: Wakanda Forever", then Disney+ shows like "Hawkeye" and "The Falcon and the Winter Soldier"), "Thunderbolts*" opens in the midst of the impeachment hearings for the diabolical CIA director, "Valentina Allegra de Fontaine" (Julia Louis-Dreyfus), whose many self-righteous operations and illegal projects (One possibly involving human experimentation) have finally caught up with her. Now Val has decided to completely wipe her slate clean, sending former Black Widow/adopted sister of the late Natasha Romanoff, "Yelena Belova" (Florence Pugh) on a final mission to take out someone about to break into a secret vault of her's. When Yelena arrives, she's pitted against other known former villains, such as the disgraced, discount brand Captain America, "John Walker/U.S.Agent" (Wyatt Russell), the enhanced, phasing criminal "Ava Starr/Ghost" (Hannah John-Kamen), and the deadly, masked assassin/also former Black Widow, "Antonia Dreykov/Taskmaster" (Olga Kurylenko), in a fight to the death.
With the random appearance of the strange and amnesiac, but rather friendly, "Bob" (Lewis Pullman), everyone puts together that they've all been brought together to be disposed of, along with any evidence of Val's many wrongdoings. Bob as it also turns out, has something that Val wants, leading to Yelena and the others to flee from her forces and devise a plan to rescue him. With some aid from Yelena's adopted father/Russian bootleg version of Captain America, "Alexei Shostakov/Red Guardian" (David Harbour) and the former mind controlled Winter Soldier now turned hero and newly elected congressman, "Bucky Barnes" (Sebastian Stan), Yelena and her new "friends", must phase their inner demons and become the kinds of heroes that the world needs in this now Avengers-free world. They must become....."The Thunderbolts" (Named after Yelena's childhood soccer team, that never actually won a game).
Directed by Jake Schreier ("Robot & Frank", "Paper Towns", "Beef"), with a screenplay by Eric Pearson ("Thor: Ragnarok", "Black Widow", "Transformers One") and Joanna Calo (A writer for "Bojack Horseman", "The Bear", and "Hacks"), "Thunderbolts*" is both a return to classic form for the MCU, as well as something new. Very loosely inspired by the team of the same name from the comics (Which featured a few more heavy hitters than this movie does), the film instead takes a more minimalistic approach, truly answering the question "What would happen if the most unqualified, less than noble of people were all we had to save the world?". Sure, we've had movies that have asked that question before, and even other Marvel movies have had similar ideas (Think "Guardians of the Galaxy"). Except this time, these guys are literally the last people you'd expect because they're either villains, morally ambiguous anti-heroes, or are just so seemingly insignificant in the grand scheme of the larger MCU (Which has featured literal gods and interdimensional threats, along with the usual superpowered beings). This shouldn't work at all. In fact, this should be the real sign that Marvel has finally lost their way, especially since there's probably a good chunk of people who only follow the movies, mostly ignoring the shows that have also become part of the rest of the MCU. Shockingly though, what makes this one of the best MCU entries in some time is how it goes back to the basics in the best way possible. Focusing on character, humorous banter, and compelling drama in favor of big special effects, interconnected fanservice, and trying to pass the time until the next big event (Though, even all that really works too!). It's a little like the filmmakers are having their cake and eating it too with a childlike grin on their faces. It's a reminder as to why these movies have worked as well as they have and why, in spite of a few cracks, they just refuse to simply die off like many have been expecting them to.
Probably the biggest reason why it succeeds is because there clearly is a sense of passion that admittedly has been missing at times during a few of the MCU's weaker projects. Jake Schreier's more indie roots really come out in his direction, knowing how to work with less, capturing the more gritty feel of an action thriller rather than your average comic book movie, and successfully juggling various tones and visual styles. Complete with the shift being shown through its cinematography from Andrew Doz Palermo ("The Green Knight", "A Ghost Story", "Moon Knight"), the action is grounded when it needs to be and more outlandish when its demanded, nearly exploding off the IMAX screen spectacularly (Hard to top "Sinners" in that department, but it's still pretty damn good!). It's a bit like "Shang-Chi and the Legend of the Ten Rings", where things just feel different this time, with the director's identity not clashing with that still fairly resilient Marvel formula. That's something that the best Marvel directors can do, such as James Gunn, Ryan Coogler, Joss Whedon (In spite of him being a piece of sh*t), and yes, even the Russo Brothers (Although someone needs to remind them that they are actually capable of making good movies asap!). The film looks and sounds great, with one Hell of a score from the band, Son Lux (Who also did the score for "Everything Everywhere All at Once"), and with more of an emphasis on character this time, it gives our wonderful ensemble cast plenty of time to prove themselves worthy of their roles as future big names in the future of the Marvel Cinematic Universe. .
It's no surprise that this is Florence Pugh's movie (And it's also cool to see some vindication for "Black Widow", which I think is still a quite good entry in the franchise), with Yelena having already become a fan favorite, along with Pugh's natural charm and the fact that she might literally just be great in everything. She's terrific all around, whether it being her character's adorably lively, a little cold and numb to the death that surrounds her life, or just how much inner turmoil she's pushed down inside her, Pugh makes for such a complex, yet appealing lead. We also get the reliably likable Sebastian Stan, whose character has come such a long way from the first "Captain America" movie and it's just really funny to see him attempt the politician game (He definitely got elected purely on celebrity status). Hannah John-Kamen gets to show more sides to her character's personality than before (And is the only one with semi-superpowers) and David Harbour is a hilarious source of comic relief, though with his own moments of heart to balance the goofiness, while Wyatt Russell is kind of a scene-stealer, being probably the most unlikable of the group (Still with moments of humanity), with that likely being the reason why he is the most fun to watch. Olga Kurylenko does get the least amount to do compared to the rest, yet still gets a part in one of the film's best action scenes, and a perfectly cast Lewis Pullman is outstanding, shifting from innocent and bumbling, to troubled and tragic, and then to frightening, sometimes in the same scene (Brilliant what they have done with such a tough to adapt character from the comics). The chemistry between the cast and characters is genuinely touching, despite how messed up they are, to the point that unlike other superhero groups like "The Avengers" (Who act like work friends and can at least act on their own), I can see how this team could be almost familial, along with how in a way, they actually need each other to function at all (All of these characters are basically suicidal trainwrecks waiting to happen).
There are some great supporting performances from Geraldine Viswanathan (as "Mel", Val's conflicted assistant) and Wendell Pierce (as "Mr. Gary", the congressman leading the charge against Val), while Julia Louis-Dreyfus gets to show just how deliciously and delightfully dastardly she can be, while retaining her trademark, undeniably attractive snark to make a villain that you love and hate in equal measure (What? She's still hot!). Where the film really shines though is in its script, which balances out the fun and outlandish material comic book fans are used to, along with something deep and surprisingly thought provoking. The film puts a lot of emphasis on mental health, depression, guilt, suicidal tendencies, and the lost feeling of being alone, which comes in the form of the film's biggest threat, referred to as "The Void" (A dark being, made up of all those fears, engulfing everything in its path in pitch black darkness). It might be the most frightening thing to come out of the MCU, drifting into almost horror territory.
With all the heart, humor, and action that you want, along with a few emotional punches that might even leave you a bit watery eyed, "Thunderbolts*" is another one of those new Marvel winners that harkens back to the old days when the MCU was in its prime and is yet another reminder to people as to why they first became invested in all this capesh*t nonsense (You know, until they just forget it again in a couple months because someone online told them to), without needing to stick to the usual script or rely on nostalgic cameos. It moves things forward in such a big, though natural way that regardless of what some might say, we've been needing. Not just for the MCU, but for movies in general. Gotta balance out the big, explosive, and star studded, with the small, resonate, and original, with events like this only paving the way for them, while also serving as just an excellent movie on its own. When it's revealed what exactly that "*" at the end of the title means, my entire audience erupted in a huge applause, and God, I missed being a part of that (Used to get that reaction during every Marvel movie). It's only followed by one of the best, most significant post credits scenes in years from one of these movies. Ah, nothing quite hits the same way a great Marvel movie does. 4 1/2 Stars. Rated PG-13 For Strong Violence, Terrible Role Models, Dark Depression And Maybe Even Some Triggering Drama, Along With Chicken Costume Chaos.
The Accountant 2 by James Eagan ★★★½ out of ★★★★★
Image: "We're here to crunch some numbers and kick some ass! And we're all out of numbers!"
Did you like "The Accountant"? Did you remember "The Accountant"? If you answer yes to one, if not both of those questions, then you'll like this movie. There's your review. Print. I'm going to bed.
Eight years after the first movie, "The Accountant 2" reunites us with "Christian Wolff" (Ben Affleck), everyone's favorite autistic, money laundering accountant turned informant for the Department of Treasury, who is also a highly trained assassin with a heart of gold (Seriously, who the Hell came up with this anyways?). After the body of her predecessor/Christian's previous contact, "Raymond King" (J. K. Simmons) is found dead with the words "Find the Accountant" on his arm, Treasury agent, "Marybeth Medina" (Cynthia Addai-Robinson), arranges to meet up with Christian (Who of course, finds her first). It turns out Raymond was killed after meeting with a mysterious assassin (Daniela Pineda), involving human trafficking, kidnapped children, and violent murders. Christian and Marybeth's investigation leads to Christian also partnering up with his estranged and borderline sociopathic brother, "Braxton" (Jon Bernthal), as the boundaries of morality are pushed a little too far for Marybeth's liking, as well as the two brothers rekindling their lost relationship.
Directed by the returning Gavin O'Connor ("Miracle", "Pride and Glory", "The Way Back", and the first "The Accountant"), with a screenplay by the also returning Bill Dubuque ("The Judge", "Ozark"), "The Accountant 2" is exactly what fans of the 2016 movie would want. That means that once again, the plot is still overly convoluted, wants you to focus immensely on some details and to not focus at all on others, and is definitely lacking much in the villain department, with a main plot that almost seems secondary. However, like the first film, we get slick direction, solid action, and a good amount of humor to serve as a balance. Now the movie also does tread the line between good intentions and positive representation or continuing that weird trend of treating people with Autism as superpowered beings and still not knowing how to portray it realistically, even today. I can't say it's 100% perfectly done. I can say that it's still has the right idea, more or less, and does most of all benefit from focusing much more attention this time on one of the first film's best aspects, which is the winning chemistry between Affleck and Bernthal.
Ben Affleck is quite good in a part that could go down an offensive route so easily, but has just enough sincerity to it where you can buy it (by movie standards at least). It's also nice to get a reminder that Ben Affleck does have some pretty solid comic timing. It's best evident by how well he works of Jon Bernthal, who is having so much fun here. He finds a way to make a character who is clearly mentally and emotionally off, being too nonchalant around death and violence, yet is still capable of honor and humanity. The movie kind of becomes a bit of a buddy comedy between the two of them, and their scenes are such a highlight that you almost forget about the actual plot at points. Cynthia Addai-Robinson does a good job playing the more moral straight person to the two of them, while also having her own character arc, along with an underwritten, but nonetheless compelling Daniela Pineda (Who is a good enough actress to say a lot with just a stare). The film's main villains, being a cocky assassin (Played by Grant Harvey) and his paranoid boss (Played by Robert Morgan), are both fairly forgettable and just serve as obstacles for our anti-heroes to eventually kill, and while I get what the film is trying to do with the mute, autistic character of "Justine" (Allison Robinson) and her collection of kid hackers, but it's a little too silly, even for a movie like this. Just a tiny bit much.
A well made, well acted, and surprisingly funny action flick with a good heart, "The Accountant 2" might not be as smart as its title character, yet is not without charms to compensate such silly things like, er, logic. It's a good popcorn movie that's made for a better than expected possible franchise. Pretty sure they're already, ahem, accounting for another entry sooner rather than later. You know, if the box office numbers add up. 3 1/2 Stars. Rated R For Strong Language, Stronger Violence, Afflecky Autisticness, And Dangerous Do Si Dos.
Until Dawn by James Eagan ★★★ out of ★★★★★
Image: When you do an all night gaming session on Friday, only to walk outside to see it's now Sunday.
Are we going through a video game movie renaissance or something? We're not exactly getting the highest of art with these kinds of movies (Except "Sonic the Hedgehog 3". Anyone who doesn't think that's peak is just weak!), but there was a time not too long ago when pure trash from the beginning was almost guaranteed. Now they're actual movies! I mean, sure I wasn't a fan of "Minecraft" or even "Five Nights of Freddy's", but I can watch them and say "Those just aren't very good films", instead of them being "The absolute worst possible thing you can imagine" (Back when one could say that and have it actually mean something). What I'm trying to say is, congratulations to video game movies! You've reached level "Not Bad". Way to go!
Based on the interactive horror game of the same name from "Supermassive Games" and "PlayStation Computer Entertainment", "Until Dawn" opens with "Clover" (Ella Rubin), searching for her sister, "Melanie" (Maia Mitchell), who vanished a year prior. Clover, along with her ex boyfriend/still close friend "Max" (Michael Cimino), self-proclaimed psychic "Megan" (Ji-young Yoo), and longtime friend "Nina" (Odessa A'zion), who brought along her boyfriend "Abel" (Belmont Cameli), travel to a remote valley, where Melanie was last seen. The local convenience store cashier (Peter Stormare, who had a role in the game), warns Clover that many have traveled up the road to a mysterious place, only to go missing immediately after. Believing this is where Melanie is, Clover and her friends go deeper into the woods, finding a strange house, set in the middle of a rainstorm (Though the rainstorm appears to only surround the area in a wall, leaving the house itself dry).
Inside the house, they find lots of peculiar items, such as a logbook (That includes Melanie's name several times), missing posters (Including Melanie's), and an hourglass, which turns itself on its own. Immediately once the sun goes down, Clover and her friends are brutally murdered by a masked wearing maniac with a pickaxe.......Then the hourglass resets. Our heroes are all resurrected (Albeit with noticeable signs of injury), with the night starting all over again, except this time, something else is trying to kill them. Rinse and repeat. Death after death. All of which is happening in visually unique, though nonetheless gruesome fashion. Once they realize that the only way they can escape is to survive the night until dawn, our heroes have to figure out why this is happening, while combating a new horror after every reset, which includes demonic possession, explosive water, and the dreaded Wendigos.
Directed by David F. Sandberg ("Lights Out", "Annabelle: Creation", and both "Shazam!" movies), returning to his horror roots with a screenplay by Gary Dauberman (The "It" movies, as well as all the "Annabelle" movies) and Blair Butler ("The Invitation"), "Until Dawn" at first seems like it's just going to be some generic Hollywoodized version of its source material. The game, which I've never played fully (I have watched some gameplay), is a survival horror that's meant to be more experience than anything else, with an ensemble group of characters, multiple endings, and outcomes that can change depending on decisions the player makes willingly or sometimes not willingly. Basically, all the characters can die by the end, or just some of them. Either way, every playthrough can be completely different. Really great concept, but it makes one wonder how they can make that into a movie, when the game itself essentially is a playable one. There is something genuinely a lot more clever here than the film's opening would lead you to believe. Sandberg, who I've noticed in real life has quite the sense of humor, also clearly seems to know how silly all of this is and embraces the camp. Think "Cabin in the Woods", except even goofier at times, going for more practical effects and a certain sense of wackiness that does elevate the movie past what is essentially just your typical horror schlock, where every underdeveloped character is just killed one by one via their own stupidity. It's like the filmmakers took a bunch of horror ideas and tossed them in a box, shook them up, then threw them all over the place. The different scenarios all vary in terms of how effectively scary they can be, how confusing they are, and even at times, how darkly funny they might even be (The part with the killer water got a big laugh). It gives one an undemanding style of fun that you can only find in an old slasher, though this has much better production values by comparison.
Whether it be because of the film's use of old horror tropes or just because there just isn't much there to begin with, the characters are rather thin. They're not bad or anything. It's just not that deep at all, with the actors being the ones who need to give them their personalities. Thankfully, they're all solid, with standouts being Ella Rubin (She's the main character, so that's a given), Michael Cimino (Our stereotypical nice guy), and Belmont Cameli (Who does enjoyably blur the line between making some harsh sense and just being a a-hole). It's also always a pleasure to see Peter Stormare being creepy and cool, always looking like he's relishing every moment he's onscreen, even if it's just for a couple minutes. There are some elements that I can't necessarily get into due to spoilers, though not all of them work. The creature designs are all cool, rely almost entirely on make-up and costuming, and even get an okay jump scare at times (Not to mention, very little CGI). The whole psychic aspect doesn't add up, and while the movie tries to explain the reasoning behind some of the different scenarios, a couple of them still are a bit forced (There's a freakin Kaiju at one point in the background, and I don't see what that has to do with anything!)
"Until Dawn" isn't groundbreaking or original, and you can bet that it's definitely going by "Rule of Cool" most of the time, yet it's playfully made, remarkably silly in a good way, and so very happy to have an R rating (The best part about having a relatively unknown cast in a "Groundhog Day" plotline is that you don't have to hold back with the violence). It's just fun, and a lot more clever than maybe even it needed to be. That alone proves that video game movies have come a long way. 3 Stars. Rated R For Terrifying Images, Gore Galore, Demented Demises, Terrible Irrigation Systems, And Peter Stormare's Ham-Tastic Presence, Which By This Point Should Be Considered Lethal.
Sinners by James Eagan ★★★★★ out of ★★★★★
Image: And the night was going so well. Then people come in and start ripping throats.
This is one of those rare, rather perplexing moments where you watch a movie and think to yourself immediately after "Boy, they don't make them like this anymore"........Except they literally just did. In fact, you've never quite seen anything like it before.
"Sinners" opens in Mississippi 1932, where a pair of identical twin brothers, "Smoke" (Michael B. Jordan) and "Stack" (Michael B. Jordan), return home after serving their time in World War I, as well as working for various gangs in Chicago. Smoke and Stack purchase an old warehouse, where they plan to open a jukebar that very night in hopes of making enough money to escape the many criminals they'd stolen from. Working with their cousin, "Sammie Moore" (Miles Caton), a preacher's son with a passion for music, Smoke and Stack set out to gather up some old acquaintances for the jukebar. This also leads to reuniting with other romantic figures from their past, like Smoke meeting back up with the spiritual "Annie" (Wunmi Mosaku) and Stack meeting back up with "Mary" (Hailee Steinfeld), who Stack abandoned after declaring his love for her. The jukebar opens, leading to a night filled with music, drinking, gambling, screwing, and all kinds of things that would make that old, religious white woman gasp "Oh Good Heavens!" before fainting. The night takes a frightening turn though due to the arrival of a trio of sinister looking white folk, led by the rather disturbingly friendly "Remmick" (Jack O'Connell). Remmick comes offering salvation and freedom from persecution, though it comes in the form of sharp fangs, bloodlust, and the feasting on human flesh.
Written and directed by Ryan Coogler ("Creed" and both "Black Panther" movies, with a third film currently in development), "Sinners" is best witnessed with little knowledge as possible, and to give some credit to the marketing, they did leave a lot hidden up until release. Okay, so obviously you know that this is a horror movie. It's not like the movie doesn't tell you that in the first five minutes. However, it's somewhat of a horror movie that can appeal to anyone, regardless of genre preferences. Coogler takes his time establishing the story and its characters, building up to the supernatural elements for almost a good hour. That's because there's more to this movie than vampires. Coogler wants to create a world that feels full of life before we endure so much death. Working with cinematographer, Autumn Durald Arkapaw (Who also served as cinematographer for "Black Panther: Wakanda Forever"), Coogler creates so many sequences of visual ecstasy that look and feel almost dreamlike. You'd swear you didn't just see it with your own eyes, and I haven't the slightest clue how they were able to accomplish any of this. It's also thanks to some impeccable, heart pounding sound design, that also leads to a few sequences where the music becomes the star of the film, as well as the overall glue that holds everything together. Not just the score itself from the Oscar winning Ludwig Göransson ("Black Panther", "Oppenheimer"), but moments that feel like the movie suddenly has become a musical, transcending time itself without once feeling out of place. There's a specific scene that needs to be seen to be believed, looking like one long tracking shot, where the film escapes only temporarily from its own logic and time period, leaving much to ponder moments after. (Such as, how in the living Hell did the filmmakers even do that?)
It's also a remarkable ensemble cast of characters that you genuinely do feel that you've gotten to know before the credits roll (Or at least, before they die tragically or gruesomely). Michael B. Jordan (Continuing that new trend of actors playing dual roles against themselves) is definitely a big draw, and does an excellent job differentiating between the two characters. They both clearly seem made to be played by Michael B. Jordan, though there are just enough to them to feel like separate performances (With Smoke being a bit more serious, complicated, and generally rougher around the edges, while Stack is the more charming, funny, and more open to negotiation than his brother). Hailee Steinfeld is terrific as a character that can be really hard to pin down (And yeah, as everyone has already pointed out, she reaches new levels of insane hotness in this movie), along with an exceptional breakout role for the wildly talented Miles Caton. A captivating Wunmi Mosaku, Li Jun Li (as "Grace", an old friend of the twins, who assists with the Jukbar), Jayme Lawson (as "Pearline", a singer who attracts Sammie's affections), and a scene-stealing Delroy Lindo (as "Delta Slim", an alcoholic musician, who the twins convince to play at the bar with Irish beer), all get their chances in the limelight to the point where you do start to wonder who the real main character actually is.
Jack O'Connell is one of those actors who can be good, though has also sadly been miscast in more than a few movies I've seen him in. Luckily, this isn't one of those cases, because he makes for a memorable and horrifying villain, who is made even more frightening by the fact that his end goal almost makes a strange amount of sense in a way (Basically wanting to cure racism and create a new community free of oppression or death, though at the expense of their humanity). It's also cool to see some old school vampire tropes being heavily capitalized on (Not to mention with showing more of their predatory side, violently and sexually), with the main characters immediately knowing what kind of simple mistakes not to make when in a dire situation (See? A movie can still be scary, without the characters needing to be complete morons!).
"Sinners" might just be the perfect blockbuster. Similar to something like "Jaws" or "Nope", it's a horror movie that has more to say and also retains the same sense of fun that can be found in just a great movie. With excellent drama, great characters, moments of needed humor, atmospheric terror, and relevant themes of race, culture, appropriation, and the lasting power of legacy, particularly musically. It's fitting that Ryan Coogler's Marvel movies had some of the most emotionally impactful post credits scenes, because this movie ends with one midway through the credits that serves of a fitting epilogue that surprisingly not only ties everything together, but also changes one's perspective of the entire movie, where every little moment suddenly feels like something bigger. It's a mesmerizing experience that I can see people talking about and dissecting for years to come. 5 Stars. Rated R For Strong Bloody (And Very Red) Violence, Sexual Content, Scary Images, And Sadistically Savory Sucking.
The Amateur by James Eagan ★★★½ out of ★★★★★
Image: So I take it you're not gonna sing us any Queen today?
Nothing quite hits the spot like a two hour dad movie that's gonna play once a week at some point during the middle of the day on TNT or FXX, then would also become one of your dad's go to movies on Hulu, where it would forever rest on. Hey, I kind of liked it!
Based on the book by Robert Littell, "The Amateur" follows a nerdy, goody-two shoes cryptographer for the CIA, "Charles Heller" (Rami Malek), who unfortunately does come across some questionable material involving his superior, the CIA Deputy Director "Alex Moore" (Holt McCallany). Heller's loving wife, "Sarah" (Rachel Brosnahan), takes a work trip to London, where she is taken hostage during a terrorist attack and tragically ends up murdered. Heller's life is now in ruins and all he can think about is getting justice for Sarah, with Moore and others in the CIA not giving anywhere near enough interest in this due to their own conflicts of interest. Heller, using his skills and love of puzzles, devises a complicated scheme to track down the ones responsible for Sarah's murder, blackmailing Moore into allowing him to get some training so that he can go after Sarah's killers.
Moore humors Heller and allows him to receive some training from the matter of fact "Colonel Robert Henderson" (Laurence Fishburne), who points out no matter how well he trains Heller, he's clearly not cut out for the vigilante business (All while Moore wastes no time trying to figure out if Heller actually has anything on him, because, well, that's a priority after all). Turns out though, Heller is a lot smarter than anyone gives him credit for, proceeding to outmaneuver everyone at every turn as he makes his way across the globe to find and take out Sarah's killers one by one, avoiding the interference from his own country's government while he does.
Directed by James Hawkes ("One Life", and known for his work on a couple episodes of "Black Mirror"), with a screenplay by Ken Nolan ("Black Hawk Down", "Only the Brave") and Gary Spinelli ("American Made"), "The Amateur" is pure pulp from start to finish, and while that certainly makes it feel pretty derivative of other works, it's so competently made, well acted, and nonetheless exhilarating that it's hard not to want to just go along with it. Hawkes' direction is on point, slick and stylish, going for the slow burn, which definitely can't be seen as exciting for everyone (Especially for a two hour film). I do appreciate though how the film takes its premise seriously and shows how its lead character has to think ahead of everyone else in a movie where a few big action sequences can happen, but it's something he HAS to avoid because he'd normally be the first casualty. It's less about action, and it would have been really silly in a bad way if the movie had gone for that instead.
I know a lot of us poke fun at Rami Malek (And his unblinking salamander eyes), but the guy is undeniably a good actor, who can be really great in the right role (Remember, he's the guy who literally pops up in "Oppenheimer" for barely a couple minutes and somehow steals the movie, despite being surrounded by many other scene-stealing performances). This is a perfectly unassuming part for Malek, who has some great dramatic delivery that seems off-kilter and stoic from a distance, yet only adds to the character's out of place feel and doesn't take away from the inner turmoil that he's constantly suffering from. Rachel Brosnahan really doesn't get much to do since she's killed off so quickly, though she makes for a lovely, charming presence in spite of the underwritten role. (There are a couple sweet flashbacks between her and Malek that show why this loss has such a damaging effect) There's an excellent supporting cast, which includes Laurence Fishburne (Cool to see him get a quick fight scene), the always reliable Holt McCallany (In full self-righteous slimeball mode), Julianne Nicholson (as "CIA Director Samantha O'Brien", who wants to hold others in the organization accountable for their shady actions), Caitríona Balfe (as "Inquiline", a mysterious hacker that assists Heller), a nice villain turn for Michael Stuhlbarg (as "Schiller", the main terrorist responsible for Sarah's death/Heller's main target), and a completely out of nowhere, but still pretty great appearance from Jon Bernthal (as "The Bear", an agent, who has befriended Heller for saving his life), who has made quite the career just popping in and out of movies lately.
"The Amateur" isn't exactly one of those "You need to rush out and see it!" kind of movies, though still one that's not without its charms and serves as a solid semi-spy flick, with a twist. Think James Bond, without all the cool cars, hot women, and fighting skills, but instead replaced with a geeky personality and quick thinking (Not exactly the kind of guy who will walk away from an explosion in badass fashion, yet will still power through regardless). It's just enough of a smart twist on an old fashioned formula to work. 3 1/2 Stars. Rated PG-13 For Traumatic Content And Malek Masterminds.
Drop by James Eagan ★★★★ out of ★★★★★
Image: So I take it the Yelp review isn't going to be five stars?
Damn! It sure feels good to say that a movie is actually really good. Like really good in a legit way. Paying full price good. Trust me, after a lot of mediocrity for the past couple weeks (And, well, whatever the "Minecraft" movie was), you take notice of it.
"Drop" opens with "Violet" (Meghann Fahy), a widowed mother from an abusive marriage, leaving her son, "Toby" (Jacob Robinson) in the care of her sister, "Jen" (Violett Beane), while she goes on a date with "Henry" (Brandon Sklenar), a nice guy that she met online. Violet meets Henry at a fancy restaurant located at the top of a high skyscraper, which is filled with all kinds of colorful characters. While the date at first seems to be going well, Violet starts getting random messages via "AirDrop". At first the messages just seem to be a joke from some kind of random prankster, until they become more and more frightening. The messenger tells Violet that unless she does whatever they say, Toby will be killed (Sending her footage from her home monitor that someone is in the house with Jen and Toby). When the messenger tells Violet to kill Henry, she's forced to choose between her loved ones and her conscience, while trying to deduce where the messages are coming from and why they want Henry dead.
Directed by Christopher Landon (The "Happy Death Day" series), with a screenplay from Jillian Jacobs and Chris Roach ("Truth or Dare"), "Drop" is a bit of a different project to come from Blumhouse Productions, yet also feels right at home in their library when it comes to working with very little and, at least when they do it right, does it strikingly well. What we get is a well paced, intelligently made, and thoroughly fun thriller that feels like a modernized take on on a few classic tropes and concepts. I've seen it described as almost Hitchcock-like in execution, and I legitimately can't think of a better way of describing it. The film has an intense mystery, a few twists and turns that complicate things, and it's all reliant on escalation, mixed in with some memorable character moments and stylish direction, taking its time to the big reveals and an explosive climax. Think of it as last year's "Trap" in a way, with its semi-camp tone and claustrophobic setting, except this time, the film actually commits completely to its premise. This might be Landon's best directed film, with most of his movies, even the really fun ones like the "Happy Death Day" movies, having a bit of a TV movie feel. This is clearly on the cheaper side, but it works in the film's favor, with some creative camera techniques to reinforce the tension and the glossy way the film shows the various texts the main character is receiving, displaying them onscreen for the audience (Right down to a rather interesting moment where said texts that appear only visually, somehow still show up in a reflection in the mirror. Not even sure why the filmmakers did that, but it grabs your attention).
It's also an excellent excuse for the irresistibly charming and capable Meghann Fahy to prove herself worthy of a starring role. I mean, the whole movie basically rests on her shoulders. It's not to say that others don't stand out. Brandon Sklenar has some solid chemistry with Fahy, with both of them bringing more human depth to a film that could just as well serve as a throwaway, only to be elevated to something more significant. Violett Beane is full of personality for such a small part, while we also get great work from the likes of Gabrielle Ryan Spring (as "Cara", the bartender), Reed Diamond (as "Richard", a poor schmuck on a bad date), and an especially amusing Jeffrey Self (as "Matt", Violet and Henry's overly enthusiastic waiter). While the mystery behind what's going on and who the true villain is aren't exactly shocking (I mean, come on! Just look at the cast. Who could it possibly be?), but trying to put it all together is all part of the fun and it's not like the film is entirely predictable with a few big moments that will definitely get a rise out of the audience.
Anchored by Meghann Fahy's stellar performance and confident direction from Christopher Landon, "Drop" is quite the surprise, making up with a few easy to speculate reveals with genuine intrigue, a smart screenplay, and a sense of crowd-pleasing fun that more movies today need to embrace. Okay, sure it's no Jack Black saying "Chicken Jockey!" (Because THAT'S what apparently the people want, I guess), but it's a quietly thrilling time that only builds to a wild finale that just might get people in the audience applauding. 4 Stars. Rated PG-13 For Dark Content, A Little Heavy Reality, And Malicious Memes.
Warfare by James Eagan ★★★½ out of ★★★★★
Image: "Just Like the Simulations!"
It's always a bit of a challenge to review experimental films like this because the supposed "Flaws" are meaningless, and it's all about the overall technical experience, rather than the writing, characters, or storytelling. Basically, all of that is meaningless and I have to judge this film purely on....uh, the filmmaking aspects. Which is something I'm always supposed to do anyways, so I guess it isn't any different.
Inspired by the memories of real life former Navy SEAL, Ray Mendoza, "Warfare" follows a group of soldiers (Played by the likes of D'Pharaoh Woon-A-Tai, Will Poulter, Cosmo Jarvis, Joseph Quinn, Kit Connor, Finn Bennett, Taylor John Smith, Michael Gandolfini, Noah Centineo, Henrique Zaga, Charles Melton, and others), as a mission in Iraq goes horribly wrong, resulting in a platoon being pinned down and desperately in need of extraction.
Written and directed by Ray Mendoza and Alex Garland ("Ex Machina", "Annihilation", "Civil War"), "Warfare" has been described as a mission from the "Call of Duty" video games in cinematic form. It's as straightforward as you can get, becoming one long, drawn out action sequence for the last hour and fifteen minutes of its barely hour and a half runtime. It's as close to simulating the heat of battle as you can get, and while it's practically designed not to be for everyone, it's an undeniably flawed, yet still remarkable and terrifying experience. Say what you will about Alex Garland, but he can craft a damn good action scene, and mixed with Ray Mendoza's own personalized input and expertise, it sums up how absolutely brutal a warzone can be. One moment, there will be literally nothing happening, before all of the mundanity is suddenly broken by the wanton noise, explosions, gunfire, and nonstop screaming. From that point on, there's no time for breathing or deep character moments because everyone around you has either been bloodily blown up, has been reduced to a mess howling in constant pain, or has just become so shell-shocked by the chaos that it's no use trying to even talk to them. That brutality, mixed with the flawless sound design and amazing camera work really are what make this film work. (The fact that this is being denied IMAX screens in favor of "A Minecraft Movie" is downright appalling)
However, there is very little actual substance here. It's all well made and at times, engrossing simply due to surface level emotion. The characters aren't actually characters, where most of them only standout due to the recognizable actor playing them. I'd say Will Poulter does have moments to shine, and Joseph Quinn certainly drives home what it must be like to be trapped in a state of seemingly endless physical suffering due to shock, blood loss, and mangled limbs. Personality is secondary here, even if there are moments that could almost be funny, though they only serve to further elevate the sense of dread (Like one character attempting to give a wounded soldier some morphine, only to accidentally inject himself, or when some more gung-ho reinforcements arrive, but carelessly step on another wounded soldier's bloodied leg). The movie isn't going to get into the political and moral ramifications of the war in Iraq (Why would you expect it to?), and no, it's not going to show some good guys on the other side (Again, why would you expect it to?). They're also not going to paint our soldiers in a bad light, even now when Islamophobia is still quite rampant (Again though. Why would you expect it to? Shows how little you actually know!). I will say this though. It doesn't exactly feel like propaganda. It's blunt, to the point, and just shows this type of experience as it is, without complications. Plus, it's so graphically unpleasant that it would make for the worst army recruitment imaginable. I can't see anyone watching this and thinking "Yeah! I wanna do that! Murica!".
"Warfare" boasts exasperating levels of battle worn anxiety, with some terrific filmmaking to make up for how slight the script is and little depth the film actually has. It's purely just an investigative look into what can happen in the middle of a hellish warzone, which is messy and lacks any of the glitz or glamor that you'd normally see with a war film. In spite of that, it's so raw and unrelenting that it's more than effective. Too effective? That's up to you. It's still worth your time and holds enough value that the differing opinions forming about it (So long as they're actually intelligent opinions) may have been the real goal all along. 3 1/2 Stars. Rated R For Hardcore, Wartime Violence, Frightening Images, And Lots Of Pretty Boy Actors That Will Draw In The Girls And The Gays, Likely For The Wrong Reasons.
A Minecraft Movie by James Eagan ★★ out of ★★★★★
Image: Average male gamers when there's a game with a black or female main character.
I get how easy it is to get wrapped up in a little "Bad Faith" about certain movies, and we're all guilty of it. Turning on "Marvel" so quickly and so bluntly (Despite them making at worst, just a disappointing product), excessive live-action remakes of beloved animated films (Although some took the "Snow White" hate to ludicrous degrees), and now, "A Minecraft Movie", which even I thought looked like absolute trash. When you put your Bad Faith aside, you can see things a bit more clearly and less cynically. Believe me when I say that it's actually not terrible. Okay, it's not good, but for you know, "A Minecraft Movie", that's an accomplishment right there.
Based on the best-selling video game franchise of all time as of now, "A Minecraft Movie" opens with "Steve" (Jack Black), who yearns for the mines and dreams of utilizing his creativity without limits. Steve finds the magical "Orb of Dominance" (Which is actually a blue cube thing that looks like the Tesseract from "The Avengers"), which transports him to wild, cubic world known as the "Overworld", where one can use their imagination to create anything from its blocky terrain. Steve, along with his new blocky wolf companion, "Dennis", make a home in the Overworld, only for it to become threatened by the evil piggy sorceress, "Malgosha" (Voiced by Rachel House), and her army of brutish swine. Steve is captured, leaving Dennis to take the Orb/Cube back to the real world for safe keeping. Sometime later through a series of contrivances, a washed up former gaming legend, "Garrett "The Garbage Man" Garrison" (Jason Momoa), the misfit dreamer "Henry" (Sebastian Hansen) and his older sister "Natalie" (Emma Myers), and er, the other main character, "Dawn" (Danielle Brooks), end up with the Orb/Cube, then are transported to the Overworld. Teaming up with Steve, our unlikely heroes must find a way to save the denizens of the Overworld from Malgosha's forces, while utilizing all of their quick thinking and lots of references that only fans of the games will understand.
Directed by Jared Hess ("Napoleon Dynamite", "Nacho Libre"), with a screenplay from Chris Bowman and Hubbel Palmer ("Middle School: The Worst Years of My Life"), along with Neil Widener, Chris Galletta ("The Kings of Summer"), and Gavin James, "A Minecraft Movie" is genuinely better than a movie that essentially suffers from the equivalent of rabid Brain Rot and written like a forty year old's terribly dated Sh*tpost has any right to be. I have never played any of the games and have barely any knowledge of them, so I'm already going to be fairly lost when it comes to the lore and many Easter Eggs, though I'll give the movie credit, for such intentionally buffoonery, it's not hard to follow. It's just, well, stupid. Again, that seems to be what the filmmakers are going for, but it's freakin stupid nonetheless. Logistics in the Minecraft world don't really mean much, and they mean even less when the movie focuses on the supposed real world (Where a character can accidentally almost blow up a building, and nothing ever comes of it). This kind of silliness can certainly have its charm and can get a good laugh from time to time (We were all praising "The Day the Earth Blew Up" a couple weeks ago, and that was silliness overload!) However, it's just not near funny enough, not clever enough, and for a movie that boasts the importance of creativity, there's little of that to be seen. The film's heavy (And I mean, heavy) use of CGI and green screen, while not exactly unavoidable, isn't exactly pleasing to the eyes. Again, I'm not shocked that a live-action Minecraft Movie would look like this, but it doesn't stop the movie from looking generally ugly in places. There are moments where the film decides to embrace the video game aesthetic (Like a quick 2D side-scrolling action sequence) and there are a couple creatures from the games that actually kind of transfer pretty well from the games to the live-action setting (The exploding green creepers are pretty cool and the pigs are even a little successfully menacing). Others grotesquely don't, like the Squidward looking villagers and that ugly pink sheep.
I know we've all turned on Jack Black recently (Hey, he turned on Kyle Gass first!), yet you gotta admit that even when he's clearly phoning it in, he's such an energized and animated actor that he weirdly makes all this CGI slop feel lively. I also gotta give Jason Momoa so much credit and respect for how much he goes for broke when it comes to his character roles (Pretty cool that I can see him in something like "Dune" and take him seriously, but then see him here and totally buy it). Momoa is a lot of fun in this and commits without question, even having great rapport with Jack Black (Also, if they kissed at one point, I wouldn't have been remotely shocked). Sebastian Hansen, Emma Myers (Who spends most of the movie dressed as a grandma for some reason), and Oscar nominee Danielle Brooks are all a bunch of non-characters that barely register, while Rachel House seems to be having fun voicing our main piggy villain and one of the film's funniest characters comes in the form of Malgosha's fat, hulking second in command, "General Chungus" (Voiced by director Jared Hess), who amusingly has an awkward, nerdy voice and demeanor despite his brutish exterior. I did get some chuckles from a rather perplexing subplot involving Jennifer Coolidge (as the recently divorced school principal) and a random Overworld villager, who wanders into the real world, resulting in a romance between the two. It literally has nothing to do with the main plot and just pads out the movie, yet I oddly got invested in it purely because of how baffling it was. I also got a bit of a kick out of how unintentionally horrifying the movie can be in places, with its surprisingly large body count. Sure, they're a bunch of pigs and blocky people, but damn do a lot of them just outright die in this!
"A Minecraft Movie" is definitely not near as bad as it could have been. It's also not near as fun as it should be. It certainly isn't on the level of the kind of video game movies we used to get (Back in my day, they were ALL literally poop!), but also makes one appreciate the likes of the "Sonic the Hedgehog" films (For trying to be more than what people would expect them to be) or even "The Super Mario Bros. Movie" (Which made up for its lack of depth with good laughs and visual wonder). This just seems to be okay with being some childish fanservice that's not annoying enough to get bent out of shape over, though also a bit too unimaginative to let it slide by with a "C+". Odds are, you'd probably be better off crafting something more inspired in the actual game itself. 2 Stars. Rated PG For Killer Hogs And Frankenstein Monster Zombies, Lots Of Blocky Casualties, And For Jack Black Riding Jason Momoa, Before They 69 Each Other. I Will Not Elaborate On That Any Further.
Death of a Unicorn by James Eagan ★★ out of ★★★★★
Image: "Yeah I think it's a Banksy."
It's funny how before the movie started, I got that new "Thunderbolts*" trailer that essentially parodies "A24" movies and their aesthetic when both "Marvel" and "A24" both seem to be suffering some the same issue lately of repetition, blending together, inconsistent quality, and lacking that same original charm that once was seen with many of their best movies. Except the only difference is that I'm not entirely sure that "A24" has quite realized that yet. And these tend to be a little more annoying to sit through.
"Death of a Unicron" opens with the widowed, "Elliot Kintner" (Paul Rudd) and his teenage daughter, "Ridley" (Jenna Ortega), taking a trip to the nature reserve estate belonging to his sick boss, "Odell Leopold" (Richard E. Grant), as part of a crisis management summit. While on the road, Elliot accidentally hits what appears to be a unicorn. Not wanting to ruin his chances at a promotion, Elliot stashes the unicorn in the back of his car before arriving at Odell's estate, where Odell, along with his wife, "Belinda" (Téa Leoni) and spoiled son, "Shepard" (Will Poulter), await and take an interest in the unicorn (Successfully killing it and learning that its blood has healing capabilities). Once Odell's science team sees that the blood can cure any disease, even cancer, he and his family see dollar signs on the horizon, though Ridley remains worried that something bad is about to happen. That "something bad" arrives in the form of the dead unicorn's parents, who are pissed as Hell and are perfectly willing to brutally slaughter anyone who keeps them from getting to their baby.
Written and directed by first time director, Alex Scharfman, "Death of a Unicorn" has a fun premise, a great cast, a few decent chuckles, and a good point to make. However, that point not only has been done many times before and done better, and not to mention, has become one of the staples of many "A24" films. It's the usual "Eat the Rich" tropes, which are certainly always relevant to address and can still lead to some good satire. Sadly, the script is just a little too broad and lacks much originality of its own. Unlike its snarling, sharp-toothed unicorns, there's no bite at all. It's also just not near as funny as it could be, despite the simple pleasures of watching unicorns skewer people with their horns and stomping heads in with their hooves. I do like that the film attempts to play it a little straight in the horror department, but it doesn't work, mostly because the CGI is shockingly terrible. I know this isn't a big budgeted film and yet, it's jarring how much the movie relies on the special effects, with how poorly rendered the main monsters are ruining anything particularly scary about them. Even the kills feel pretty lame by comparison to how far other movies will go without a second thought (Hey, after "The Monkey", you gotta step up your gore game!).
The stale dialogue is lifted up by the film's far too good for it ensemble cast. Paul Rudd (Who can even find likability in a character that's repeatedly shown to be struggling morally) and especially Jenna Ortega are both wonderful together, with character arcs that feel genuine and their rapport is a lot of fun to watch. From a hammy Richard E. Grant, Téa Leoni, a downright despicable Will Poulter, and Sunita Mani (as "Dr. Bhatia", one of the Leopold family scientists) are all giving very committed performances, with a standout coming from the always great to see Anthony Carrigan (as "Griff", the Leopolds' underappreciated butler). With the exception of Rudd and Ortega, most of the cast is stuck either becoming unicorn fodder or are rather thinly written caricaturist tropes disguised as characters. All of which would normally be fine if the movie were funnier, smarter, and less predictable. It's always very jarring when you have a movie's entire plotline figured out almost an hour before you know damn well you weren't meant to (I was practically shouting "IT'S THE DAMN HORN!" over and over in hopes somebody within the movie would catch on).
"Death of a Unicorn" has its delightful moments, a game cast, and an idea that feels original on paper, yet suffers from an overly safe execution, pitifully bad effects, and a shockingly uninspired approach to its own concept. It honestly doesn't even look all that great direction-wise either (Like a streaming movie at times). It's a disappointing swing and a miss that goes for the horn, but sadly instead takes it right up its own ass, where unfortunately, it sometimes feels like that's exactly where its head is truly at. 2 Stars. Rated R For Strong, Gory Violence, Repulsive Rich People, Horny Pokes And Prodding, And Not Nearly Enough Unicorn Cocaine.
A Working Man by James Eagan ★★½ out of ★★★★★
Image: Working hard? Or hardly working? Or working while hard? Man?
So it's "The Beekeeper", but without all the "Bee" puns? Well this just got a lot less fun then.
Based on the better titled novel, "Levon's Trade" by comic book writer, Chuck Dixon, "A Working Man" follows "Levon Cade" (Jason Statham), an ex-Royal Marine, who now enjoys a more quiet, less violent life as a Chicago construction worker, working for his kind-hearted boss, "Joe Garcia" (Michael Peña). When Joe's daughter, "Jenny" (Arianna Rivas), is kidnapped, Joe's desperation to find her leads to him basically begging Levon (Knowing that Levon has a history) to find her. Despite wanting to move on from his past and still hoping to be able to connect with his own daughter, "Merry" (Isla Gie), Levon realizes that he can't abandon Jenny. Levon learns that Jenny was abducted by human traffickers, leading to Levon to go deep into the criminal underworld of drugs, weapons, and Russian gangsters, if he has any hopes of rescuing her and bringing her home.
Directed by David Ayer ("The Beekeeper", "End of Watch", "Fury", and the first "Suicide Squad"), who co-wrote the screenplay by Sylvester Stallone (The only one of Trump's so-called "Ambassadors of Hollywood" that's at least capable of doing good things lately), "A Working Man" sticks to its guns and its action movie formula in a way that should please fans of seeing Jason Statham beat people up real good. I guess you could almost consider that a recommendation from me, except, well, I've just seen it done better before. The movie has a few things going for it that could set it above the usual silly, bullet-riddled fare, such as a heavier subject, more moving pieces, and a main hero who believe it or not, has to use his intelligence a bit more often than you'd expect. It's not always punching, shooting, and neck snapping. There's a bit of an espionage angle at play here, and I appreciated that. Sometimes though, it all gets jumbled and can't quite overcome the goofiness, which sadly lacks the sincerely tongue in cheek charm of something like "The Beekeeper". Ayer can give us a cool, creative action scene from time to time, though not near enough character and depth to make it anything more. I suppose it's not supposed to be, and yet, we've seen before that you can still have more if you really want to.
I do like Jason Statham, and I commend his attempts to try something a little new from time to time, even when it's more or less the same damn plot over and over again (Also, he might be one of the few action stars to allow for his lack of height to be shown and uses it to his advantage). He's got the one liners, can beat up and kill bad guys with ease, and retains that menacing scowl for half the film, as the audience wants to see. Arianna Rivas is a very likable character (And gets more to do than need to be rescued), There are some solid supporting performances from Michael Peña, David Harbour (as "Gunny", Levon's now blind best friend, who offers guidance and a few funny quips), and a very charming Isla Gie, who has some rather wonderful chemistry with Statham (You'd think the whole father-daughter relationship would take away from the film, but it's actually the best part). The movie doesn't seem to know who its main villain is, constantly switching back and forth between other bad guys with their own motivations and goals (Killing them off, replacing them with new ones and then killing those off too), before eventually settling on the absolute lamest ones (A pair of bumbling kidnappers played by Emmett J. Scanlan and Eve Mauro, who are basically human trafficker versions of Boris and Natasha from "Rocky & Bullwinkle").
"A Working Man" has a lot of moments, solid action and violence, and even some potential to be more than what it is, but also lacks any depth, features an overstuffed collection of forgettable and boring baddies, and suffers from a bloated runtime of almost two hours in serious need of trimming. If you're in the mood for a generic, if not capably made, macho man-tastic fantasy, then it fits the bill perfectly and works just fine. Could have used more "Bee" puns though. Bee-lieve it or not, those go a long way. 2 1/2 Stars. Rated R For Strong, Bloody Violence, Statham Scowls, And Rowdy, Reprehensible Russians.
Snow White by James Eagan ★★★ out of ★★★★★
Image: Rachel Zegler, seen obtaining her beauty, charm, and talent from the tears of Redditors and YouTubers everywhere.
Why is it that the movies that aren't quite good enough, yet not near bad enough, are the ones that garner the most outrage and controversy? Sure, some of it might be warranted or at least is something to be upset about (Such as this being yet another remake of a beloved animated Disney classic, huge budgets, attempts to avoid offending people with dwarfism and arguably making things worse, and Gal Gadot's apparently overtly Pro-Israeli stance on the Israel-Palestine conflict, which is a can of worms I'd best not open right now), to things that are much less warranted (Such as Rachel Zegler's Pro-Palestine stance on the conflict, her keen ability to tell it like it is and speak her mind when many would prefer a young woman to be silent, the fact she isn't a pure, bread white girl, and just the idea of grown adults getting so bent out of shape over a Disney kids movie seems a bit silly when we have real problems going on in the world). Seems I have to be the voice of reason once again (That's how far we've fallen, people), and say that this is nothing to get all up in arms about. Let's save out anger and hatred for something truly vile. Like the "Minecraft" movie in a couple weeks (Watch that movie actually be good and I literally have to take all this back).
A live-action reimagining of the 1937 animated masterpiece/Walt Disney Pictures' first feature length film/the first feature length animated film overall, "Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs", this new "Snow White" opens in a far away kingdom, where after the loss of the beloved queen, the king remarries to the beautiful, yet obviously evil...and still never named, "Evil Queen" (Gal Gadot), who almost immediately asserts her tyrannical rule. The Evil Queen sends the king away and turns the kingdom into a place of despair, while also reducing the kind-hearted princess, "Snow White" (Rachel Zegler), to work as a maid within the castle. As the years go by, people just assume the princess died and now have no choice but to submit to the Evil Queen's rule. However, Snow White herself remains a kind, beautiful presence, who seeks to find a way to restore her kingdom to its former happiness.
The Evil Queen learns from her "Magic Mirror" (Voiced by Patrick Page), that she is no longer the fairest one of them all, but rather, now it's Snow White (She should have seen this coming, considering that this IS Rachel Zegler after all). The Queen sends "The Huntsman" (Ansu Kabia) to take Snow White into the woods to kill her, only for the Huntsman to have a change of heart and let her go free. Snow White finds refuge in a small cottage in the woods with the help of some woodland critters, with the cottage belonging to seven magical, and each more appropriately named the last, Dwarfs, made up of "Doc" (Voiced by Jeremy Swift), "Bashful" (Titus Burgess), "Sneezy" (Voiced by Jason Kravits), "Happy" (Voiced by George Salazar), "Sleepy" (Voiced by Andy Grotelueschen), "Grumpy" (Voiced by Martin Klebba), and seemingly mostly silent "Dopey" (Voiced by Andrew Barth Feldman). Snow White bedriends the Dwarfs, as well as finds some unlikely allies with a group of rebels, led by the charismatic "Jonathan" (Andrew Burnap), vowing to save her kingdom from the Evil Queen.
Directed by Marc Webb ("500 Days of Summer" and the "Amazing Spider-Man" films), with a screenplay by Erin Cressida Wilson ("Secretary", "Chloe", "The Girl on the Train"), though with some apparent offscreen credit to Greta Gerwig ("Barbie", "Lady Bird", "Little Women"), "Snow White" clearly is taking a different approach to the average Disney remake in the sense that it's not a "Word for Word" re-telling. It actually deviates from the original movie a lot to fit with the more modern times. While the original "Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs" is still a classic and important piece of film history and animation (Which also for in spite of its dated aspects, still holds up as a great film in so many ways), it's also a product of the time, with some serious revamps being necessary if it's going to sell to a new audience.
It's nice to report that regardless of all the online controversy, the movie does work a lot better than anticipated and does make a few refreshing changes, along with aspects that compliment the original enough that it makes the idea of a live-action version seem warranted. Even with the heavy use of CGI and green screen (Which do look pretty good. For the most part. More on that later), there's a good amount of practical effects within the film, mostly due to the use of some colorful, gorgeous real life sets. The production design is lovely, and the same goes for the costumes and much of the staging. It retains that fairy tale-like feel, thanks to Webb's more than capable direction. The songs, new and old, from Pasek and Paul (Inspired by the original songs by Lawrence Morey and Frank Churchill), are also not bad at all. Disney has really been struggling to dish out some great musical numbers as of late, with even solid movies like "Moana 2" or "Mufasa: The Lion King", not having any memorable songs to match the likes of Disney's usual caliber. While I can't say that any of them are going to become family favorites any time soon, some of them are either pretty catchy, do stick around in your memory, or in the case of any of the ones featuring Rachel Zegler, are so lovingly sung that they instantly bring the house down.
Most of what works here is Snow White herself. One thing you can't deny about the original is that while all the characters are memorable, the titular princess has always felt like the weakest link (I really always saw the Seven Dwarfs as the actual main characters). The movie gives the character much more urgency, development, and even more meaning than before, setting her up to be a naturally sweet, but smart and brave in spite of seemingly unwinnable odds. This is also helped by how much of a naturally endearing presence Rachel Zegler is. Obviously she has the "Fairest of Them All" look down perfectly (Can you believe that there are guys out there who claim that she's NOT angelically gorgeous?). However, she also electrifies the screen like a Disney princess should. In so many ways, Zegler has to carry this movie completely on her shoulders and deserves all the recognition in the world because of it.
Unfortunately this is where this review is going to take a bit of a drastic turn in tone because while the film improves so much upon Snow White herself and adds much more depth in places to compliment those improvements, there is a lot here that also doesn't quite work as well. Gal Gadot has the look down for sure (Even if she does move her head like Michael Keaton's Batman), and at times, she seems like she's perfectly cast. There are plenty of moments where the performance is lacking or just seems off. Even during her solid musical number, there's always the feeling where you can't tell if she's trying to lay on the camp or if she just doesn't have the range to pull it off, which is odd for a character that is really not complicated at all (Her name is literally just Evil Queen! Doesn't get more one-dimensional than that!). When the Queen later takes her "Old Hag" form in the last act, there's nothing special about it and boy, does it lack the scare factor that the original had. (How can an almost hundred year old, G rated movie have more terrifying imagery than this?). When paired with Zegler, Gadot comes across as weak by comparison.
The Dwarfs are also a bit more of a mixed bag. I see what the filmmakers were going for, trying to adhere to the whimsical elements of the source material and try not to offend at the same time, but this feels too much like an overcorrection and really, I feel like there was an even easier, more acceptable solution here than spending so much money to create CGI Dwarfs. The actors, both in the motion capture suits and doing the voices are all fine and even get a few charming laughs in places, especially with a well cast Andrew Barth Feldman (He literally looks like Dopey!) and a scene stealing Martin Klebba (Thank God, they got my guy, Grumpy, right!). However, the effects vary from looking decent enough to match the film's fantastical setting to looking like a pair of computer generated, hairy butt cheeks with eyes attempting to take human form. Easily one of the film's most misguided aspects. Andrew Burnap is a likable addition (Taking the role of the prince from the original by actually having a personality) and Ansu Kabia at first seems like he's going to have a bigger part, then just sort of fizzles out. The film may also have some welcome changes to the original film, but at times those changes, even the good ones, don't always gel with the parts of the story that the film feels it needs to retain no matter what. The film somewhat writes itself into a bit of a corner in its last act, trying to incorporate too much at the same time, and leaves some of the story's most remembered emotional moments feeling lesser. Everyone remembers how they first reacted to the infamously tearjerking funeral scene as a kid, and while the movie tries its best, there are some things you just can't replicate.
It's not the disaster everyone seemed to want it to be. "Snow White" has the makings of what could have been one of the best remakes yet, with a spellbinding performance from Rachel Zegler, a few solid songs, and some needed updates (Such as making the titular princess an actual character). Yet, it suffers from an overall sense of unevenness, from Gal Gadot's performance, some of the CGI, and even some of the updates themselves don't always mesh with Disney's need to adhere to their corporate checklist. It's a fine family film, with a terrific lead and much to offer in places, though it is also just more of the same in other ways. Still can't quite get past the feeling that there's an already better version waiting for all of us at home. 3 Stars. Rated PG For Scary-Ish Images, Unkempt Hairy Little Men, And Witches With Attitude.
The Electric State by James Eagan ★★ out of ★★★★★
Image: I had a dream like this one, and yes, I was, in fact, the peanut.
It's odd how the Russo Brothers can give us some of the best films in the "Marvel Cinematic Universe", which also happen to be some of the most ideal blockbusters in the past couple decades, and yet, they just can't seem to get it right anywhere else. You guys brought in billions and even earned yourself some recognition among the masses, and for some reason, THIS is what you're doing with it?
Based on the illustrated novel by Simon Stålenhag (Though apparently very loosely), "The Electric State" is set in an alternate 1990s, where a war between humans and robots built to simply make their lives easier, commanded by a robotic "Mr. Peanut" mascot (Voiced by Woody Harrelson), which has been left in a state of chaos, with peace only being brokered by the robots surrendering and secluding themselves away from humanity and "Ethan Skate" (Stanley Tucci), the CEO of "Sentre" (Big bad tech corporation), capitalizing on this by providing a way of escape for humanity (Via virtual reality). A spunky orphan, "Michelle Green" (Millie Bobby Brown), who lost her family in a car accident, along with her child prodigy brother, "Christopher" (Woody Norman), years prior, meets a smiling robot named "Cosmo" (Voiced by Alan Tudyk), who claims to be Christopher. Believing her brother to be alive, Michelle embarks on a journey with Cosmo to find the scientist "Dr. Clark Amherst" (Ke Huy Quan), who she thinks is responsible for Christopher's disappearance. Along the way, Michelle meets a former, washed up soldier, "John D. Keats" (Chris Pratt) and his little robot partner in crime, "Herman" (Played by Martin Klebba via motion capture and voiced by Anthony Mackie), while avoiding capture by the robot hating "Marshall Bradbury" (Giancarlo Esposito), who controls an AI drone to hunt them down on orders from Skate himself. When our heroes discover Mr. Peanut and his fellow robots in hiding, they also learn about Skate's own nefarious deeds, Dr. Amherst's true motivations, and the real secret behind what's become of Christopher, which will lead to a revolution that just might save both mankind and robotkind alike.
Directed by Anthony and Joe Russo ("Captain America: The Winter Soldier", "Captain America: Civil War", "Avengers: Infinity War", "Avengers: Endgame", and "The Gray Man"), with a screenplay by their Marvel collaborators Christopher Markus and Stephen McFeely, "The Electric State" has garnered a lot of unfortunately earned hate. This reportedly $320 million Netflix production is yet another sign that the age of streaming continues to play favorites, leaves actual creativity to struggle to get out, and retains this generally distasteful feeling of studio mandates and board member notes. How this got (And required) so much money behind it is baffling, and nobody still understands how Netflix can keep popping out overly expensive films like this without the slightest care in the world? I will play Devil's advocate here and say that this is still nowhere near as bad as many have been saying. Mostly due to the incredibly low bar set by many other Netflix films (From "Uglies", the "Rebel Moon" films, and pretty much everything Tyler Perry has done for the last five years) and because this, whether you like it or not, actually looks like a movie. Sure, the budget is way too high, but at least you can definitely see the money onscreen. The visual effects are occasionally quite spectacular, blending seamlessly into the real world to the point you'd swear most of the animated characters were animatronics. The Russo Brothers can also certainly deliver on spectacle, even if the film almost entirely relies on it the more the movie goes on. I can also see the good intentions behind the story and its themes, though the script lacks nuance, memorable characters, or a good enough sense of humor to make it work. What we get is a tragically muddled mess that's at times confusing, too long, and frustratingly misguided in what it's trying to say. The film has some hefty ambitions, though has none of the commitment and ends up feeling like a lesser Spielberg clone. The movie attempts to balance kid friendly whimsical tone with some heavy world building and dark subject matter, along with some really goofy humor. That's not impossible to do, but it could border on disaster if you don't do it right. Everything now and then, something works, mostly because of the efforts of the ensemble cast or the blockbuster filmmaking style shining through. The film just drags too often and overindulges on its own special effects.
Millie Bobby Brown seems to be one of those young actresses that can really retain some charm, even when she's forced to act against literally nothing (However, the movie's reliance on grandiose visuals takes up too much focus and she almost gets lost in all the mechanical mayhem). She comes out as unscathed as one can when the extravagant presentation takes center stage. Chris Pratt essentially plays a lamer version of Star-Lord, while we still get some solidly earnest performances from the likes of Ke Huy Quan (Playing double duty, also voicing Amherst's computer buddy, "P.C."), along with the always reliable presences of Giancarlo Esposito and Stanley Tucci (Both capable of playing good villains without even trying). There is also plenty to like about the voice cast, which includes Woody Harrelson, an unrecognizable Anthony Mackie, Alan Tudyk, Jenny Slate (as the voice of "Penny Pal", a postal service bot), Colman Domingo (as the voice of "Wolfe", a human operated drone trying to kill Keats), and an especially amusing Brian Cox (as the voice of "Popfly", a rather unhinged baseball bot).
While it's nowhere near as terrible as you've been led to believe, "The Electric State" has its periods of visual wonder and even some sweet moments that feel sincere, despite Netflix's grubby claws feeling very apparent in every frame. However, it bites off way too much at once, lets the overabundance of CGI dictate the story, and concludes in a way that feels troublingly misguided at best or entirely hypocritical at worst. Maybe it sounded like a future family classic on paper, but it ends up being worn out tech from a bygone era in need of some serious upgrades and more heart. 2 Stars. Rated PG-13 For Sci-Fi Violence, Slight Language, The Inability To Differentiate 80s Nostalgia From 90s Nostalgia, And The Possibly Implied Heavy Casualties That May Have Happened At The End Of This Movie. We Just Not Gonna Mention That? No? Okay...
Novocaine by James Eagan ★★★½ out of ★★★★★
Image: The only way to deal with his rabid Uncle Randy.
It's funny. Jack Quaid seems like a cool, likable, funny guy. And yet, no matter what kind of role he's playing, he always has to get the absolute sh*t beaten out of him. Whether he's playing a bad guy or some innocent dork, he just has to end up humiliated, bloodied, and in an immense amount of pain, and for some reason, it's always enjoyable to watch.
"Novocaine" follows "Nathan Caine" (Jack Quaid), a timid and mild mannered assistant manager at credit union in San Diego, who suffers from an extreme congenital insensitivity to pain, meaning that he literally can't feel any kind of pain no matter what (Having earned the nickname "Novocaine" in school). This makes Nathan mostly keep to himself and refuse to try new things. However, Nathan meets a new cute co-worker, "Sherry Margrave" (Amber Midthunder), and after a date, the two form an immediate connection. The next day though, the bank is robbed by a group, dressed as Santas and led by the especially maniacal "Simon" (Ray Nicholson), who gets away with a load of cash and takes Sherry hostage. Ever the lovestruck hero, despite having absolutely no skills whatsoever, Nathan sets out to rescue Sherry, inviting himself into a world of crime and violence that he logically has no chance of surviving. Luckily, Nathan's tolerance to pain and all around jovial nature just might be enough to save the day, save the girl, and you know, not bleed to death due to how much excessive bodily harm he endures.
Directed by filmmaking duo Dan Berk and Robert Olsen ("Villains", "Significant Other", "Body"), with a screenplay by Lars Jacobson, "Novocaine" is an amusingly original premise that embraces the macabre and mixes it with the genuinely sweet. It's a tough couple of tones to juggle, and while it doesn't quite always work, it always comes from a place that's genuine and undeniably enjoyable. Berk and Olsen find a solid balance, with some creative action scenes, where our hero rather hilariously attempts to reason his way out of a dire situation, barely notice how much wear and tear his body is taking, and then use his supposed disability to his advantage (Such as jabbing his fists into a pile of glass, then punching a guy with them). It's one of those things where the leveled up violence, which can be quite shocking at times, works towards the film's advantage, even in terms of the comedy. Sure, realistically he should have been on the verge of death a long time ago, but that wouldn't have been fun. Probably the first time I've ever seen a character in a movie intentionally draw out a torture scene (Mostly by faking his screams of agony).
Jack Quaid's lovably dorkish performance is a blast to see, and boy he really commits to it. I always do like to see an action hero take a few hits, and he takes knives to the hand, several degree burns, all matter of sharp objects lodged in every nook and cranny of his body, yet retains a sweet smile on his face. Quaid also has some really excellent chemistry with Amber Midthunder (Who just resonates so much charm), and there are some fun supporting parts for the likes of a hilarious Jacob Batalon (as "Roscoe", Nathan's online gaming buddy, who he's never even met in person and just assumes is a tall, buff guy with a Harley), along with Betty Gabriel and Matt Walsh (as a pair of cops, who suspect that Nathan may be in cahoots with the robbers). Ray Nicholson brings a lot more personality and menace to his one note villain, with the villain subplot itself being pretty lame and predictable (There's an obvious plot twist that's way too telegraphed to not see coming).
A little on the predictable side, but often hilarious, surprisingly action packed, and even sincerely cute, "Novocaine" is an inventively unique take on your average action movie. Thanks in part to some capable hands behind the camera, as well as Jack Quaid's willingness (And admirable eagerness) to get himself torn to shreds in the bloodiest of ways, all while shrugging it off with a smile. I'm actually shocked he never says "Aw Shucks!" once in this. It's a brisk, bloody, and boldly bubbly blast. 3 1/2 Stars. Rated R For Strong Language, Violence, And So Much To Be Squeamish About.
Black Bag by James Eagan ★★★★ out of ★★★★★
Image: "Can we do another take?" "We've already done fifty takes!"
Maybe I'm just getting older, but damn it, these so called "Boomer" movies kind of do it for me.
"Black Bag" follows intelligence agent, "George Woodhouse" (Michael Fassbender), who learns that there is a traitor in the organization that's threatening to leak top secret Intel that could result in the loss of many lives. George has to gather whatever information he can on some of his fellow agents, such as "Dr. Zoe Vaughan" (Naomie Harris), "James Stokes" (Regé-Jean Page), "Freddie Smalls" (Tom Burke), "Clarissa Dubose" (Marisa Abela), and most frightening of all, his own wife, "Kathryn St. Jean" (Cate Blanchett). With so much seemingly tying Kathryn to treason, George must investigate further, while struggling with his loyalty to his country, as well as his love for his wife.
Directed by Steven Soderbergh ("Sex, Lies, and Videotape", "Ocean's Eleven", "Logan Lucky", and who only released "Presence" a few months ago), with a screenplay by his frequent collaborator David Koepp ("Jurassic Park", "Spider-Man"), "Black Bag" is not a spy thriller that's trying to emulate the likes of "James Bond" or "Mission: Impossible". No disguises. Not much time for exotic locations. No big shoot outs or action scenes. That's not what this is about. It's an old school, espionage mystery, where you're basically told who the responsible party is as soon as the story starts and the actually mission is trying to figure out how, why, and you know, what possible consequences could come of it. It definitely gives off vibes of a 40s or 50s thriller, where the excitement comes from the back and forth games of Mental Chess between characters and trying to piece together the film's many moving parts (Where sometimes what doesn't seetoo important at first, ends up becoming the prime focus). Most fascinating of all, it's surprisingly really funny. Koepp's screenplay is sprinkled with sharp dialogue and an exceptional wit that's so dry that the lightest flame could set it ablaze (Proud of that one!).
It also helps that you got some damn fine actors, who know how to physically glue your eyes to the screen by their mere presence alone. From Michael Fassbender's equally layered stoic and intense delivery to Cate Blanchett's immensely sexy and confident performance, their chemistry is top tier and a blast to watch. The rest of the cast is also quite perfect, each getting their moments to stand out, from a sly Marisa Abela, a humorously pathetic Tom Burke, a smarmy Regé-Jean Page, a commanding Naomie Harris, and the always welcome Pierce Prosnan (as "Arthur Steiglitz", the organization's head).
A short, fast paced, impeccably edited, and anchored by the superlative combination of Soderbergh's competently slick direction, a smart screenplay, and memorable performances, "Black Bag" is the kind of movie that's great in the kind of way your dad is absolutely gonna love. As he should, because it's just plain an old fashioned bit of exhilaratingly intellectually pleasing entertainment, that also works as the perfect date movie if you ask me (In its own way). It's best to go in as blind as possible, making for one of 2025's coolest and smoothest movies yet. 4 Stars. Rated R For Strong Language, Violence, And Professional Sphincter Clenching.
The Day the Earth Blew Up: A Looney Tunes Movie by James Eagan ★★★★ out of ★★★★★
Image: The "Animation is Cinema" crowd better not let this movie flop, or else there will be Hell to pay!
It is my headcanon that one of the Looney Tunes murdered someone in David Zaslav's family (Probaby Tweety. Always knew he had a dark side), because it's the only explanation I can gather from how the current state of Warner Bros. (aka "Warner Bros. Discovery") has been treating such a beloved, sacred childhood property for no reason (Say what you will about Disney, but if you make them money, they'll show you all the love). Removing animation left and right from "MAX" (Formerly "HBO MAX"), getting rid of the classic "Cartoon Network" website, canning the already mostly finished "Coyote vs. Acme" movie (Despite positive word of mouth from test screenings) and leaving it to rot in a vault, and by now tossing out the first ever, fully animated, feature length "Looney Tunes" movie (No live-action stars or basketball needed this time), leaving it to scramble for distribution (Only to get picked up by much lesser known, independent studio, "Ketchup Entertainment"), and getting absolutely zero fanfare for its release, essentially dooming it to flop at the box office. Our cartoon heroes deserve better than this!
Inspired by the classic cartoon characters, and being a spin-off of the newer "Looney Tunes Cartoons" (Which were modeled after the old school iteration of the characters), "The Day the Earth Blew Up: A Looney Tunes Movie" opens with the origin story of two favorite looney tunes, "Daffy Duck" (Eric Bauza) and "Porky Pig" (Also Eric Bauza), who are raised by the overly detailed "Farmer Jim" (Fred Tatasciore). Years later, Daffy and Porky are left to tend to their family home, which they don't particularly do the best job taking care of, such as not noticing a giant hole in their roof caused by an alien object crashing through it the night before. Given only a matter of days to get their house up to community standards, Daffy and Porky are forced to look for a job, which thankfully comes in the form of "Petunia Pig" (Candi Milo), who works for a gum factory (And who Porky also develops a crush on). However, it turns out an alien invader, simply named "The Invader" (Peter MacNicol), arrives on Earth, with a plan to turn everyone into gum chewing zombies (Via alien goo), with it looking like Daffy and Porky might be the only ones who can save the day.
Directed by Pete Browngardt (Creator of the newer "Looney Tunes Cartoons", who co-wrote the film with a pretty sizable collection of animation writers (They make up one-fifth of the opening credits), "The Day the Earth Blew Up: A Looney Tunes Movie" clearly went through a lot to get itself out to the public. Developed by Warner Bros. Animation, along with a few other studios and vendors, changing release dates, changing studios, going from originally being a straight to streaming film to a theatrically released one, and was even released in other countries last year (Coinciding with its surprise animation film festival release, which garnered itself early acclaim). In a way, the film just finding theaters willing to play it, despite how likely it won't last long, is miraculous on its own. It's too bad because you can see all of the love and craft that went into it, from the animation to emulating the classic music and sounds of old Looney Tunes, getting the tone and characters just right, and right down to it just plain being funny in ways that kids and adults can both appreciate. 2D animation is such a lost art, and to see it once again on the big screen is already worth the ticket price. It's wondrously expressive, bouncy and stretchy, vibrantly colorful, and genuinely, just makes for gorgeous storytelling. Sometimes nothing funny is happening onscreen, but you're just so enamored by the film's infectious direction (Animation like this really brings layers to the mundane). The animation also shifts styles, sometimes for the sake of comedy (I don't know why Famer Jim looks like a too realistic caricature of the Brawny paper towel guy) or just because the movie wants to do something completely different for a brief sequence, making for a movie that's rather unpredictable at least in how it's telling its story. The story itself is a bit of cartoonish nonsense, though it would have been weirder if it actually did make sense. What's important is that it makes bizarre sense to the characters, and keeps the audience laughing throughout.
It's an amazing showcase for voice actor Eric Bauza, who has been doing "Looney Tunes" voices for a good chunk of his voice acting career (And also having voiced Daffy Duck for almost seven years). He does a pitch perfect job emulating the late Mel Blanc, as well as providing his own spin on these celebrated characters (Not to mention, doing a flawless job playing back and forth against himself and making it feel organic). There also ends up being something quite sweet about their story, and an unexpected heart. Candi Milo is the voice of reason, yet is just as Looney as the rest of them, while Peter MacNicol is an absolute riot and was likely even more animated in the recording booth than his already wildly animated character. The movie's zippiness, much like earlier this year's "Dog Man", could get exhausting, but for any longtime "Looney Tunes" fan, you'd expect nothing less. Plus, how can you not find pure joy in watching our heroes fight against a bunch of gum chewing alien-zombies, set to "It's the End of the World as We Know It" by R.E.M.? (And follow that up with the questionable nature of how exactly does Daffy lay eggs anyways?)
Wacky, unrestrained, and delightfully daffy, "The Day the Earth Blew Up: A Looney Tunes Movie" is the kind of feature that will enchant the kids with its always buffoonish nature and silly humor, will charm the adults looking for some good natured nostalgia without a hint of cynicism in sight, and will just please anyone looking for a fun, animated comedy that seems to be oh so happy to be, well, this animated. It's nice to see cartoons be what they are. Cartoons, and creative ones at that (Not to mention, it's actually even a pretty solid old school alien invasion movie, with a few references tossed in for some giggles). Featuring one of the most hilariously stupid plot twists in recent memory and a sense of self that's just too contagious to resist (Even the weakest of jokes get a mild chuckle out of you just because of how earnest it is), it's a wonderful time for the whole family. Please don't let it flop! 4 Stars. Rated PG For Crude Humor, Surprising Body Horror, Extreme Close-Ups, More Of Daffy's Ass Than I Expected, And Earth's Apparent Greatest Resource (Pretty Sure It Is To A Lot Of People).
Mickey 17 by James Eagan ★★★★½ out of ★★★★★
Image: So now that we got two Pattinsons, can we get the sequel for "The Batman" faster?
I think it's high time that everyone, especially the younger cinephiles who just don't know it yet, acknowledge that award winning, successful, and highly respected South Korean director, Bong Joon-ho (Who is still fresh off sweeping the 2020 Oscars with his brilliant film, "Parasite"), is at his core, just a goofy ass guy with a goofy ass sense of humor. If you didn't notice it before, you sure as Hell are gonna notice it now!
Based on the book, "Mickey 7" by Edward Ashton, "Mickey 17" (How much you wanna bet that the only reason we got a title change for the movie is because Bong Joon-Ho thought it would be funny to have ten more Mickeys?) opens in the future, with simple minded, but sweet and down on his luck, "Mickey Barnes" (Robert Pattinson) and his terrible friend, "Timo" (Steven Yeun), finding themselves on the run from a mob boss, deciding the only way to get to freedom is to get off-world, aboard a spaceship set to colonize the alien world of "Nilfheim". The whole operation is headed by the incredibly moronic, but nonetheless maniacal and evil politician, "Kenneth Marshall" (Mark Ruffalo) and his sauce-obsessed wife, "Ylfa" (Toni Collette), along with their religious, fanatical, red hat wearing followers. While Timo gets a cushy pilot job, Mickey unfortunately ends up signing up to be an "Expendable", meaning that he will essentially be a living crash test dummy, taking part in obviously lethal experiments and extra missions, though if, er, when he dies, Mickey will just be literally printed out via a clone body with all his memories retained (Rinse and Repeat!).
Luckily, Mickey finds love with a security agent, "Nasha Barridge" (Naomi Ackie), and despite the many, many deaths he has to suffer (And cloned bodies that follow), their relationship keeps Mickey from losing all hope in the universe. However, Mickey's newest clone, "Mickey 17" (Also Robert Pattinson), ends up left for dead on Nilfheim, after the discovery of some large, rolly-polly-esque aliens, which Marshall's team have referred to as "Creepers". To Mickey 17's surprise, he somehow survives his run-in with the Creepers and makes his way back to the ship.....Only to discover that another clone, "Mickey 18" (Robert Pattinson, duh), has already been printed out. Due to Marshall's hard stance on the idea of multiple clones existing at once (aka "Multiples"), which means that all clones will be immediately exterminated, both Mickey 17 and Mickey 18 must find a way to avoid being discovered, though with possible war looming between Marshall's forces and the Creepers being imminent, that might be the least of their worries.
Written and directed by Bong Joon-ho ("Parasite", "The Host", "Snowpiercer", "Okja"), "Mickey 17" is part Science Fiction, part Dark Screwball Comedy, and part biting Political Satire, making for a film that could so easily go off the rails with its wild ideas, twistedly silly antics, and rather unsubtle commentary on current TV host-like politicians (One in particular. Cough Cough!). It's a bold piece of work, and in the right hands, like Bong Joon-ho, it makes for 2025's first truly great film and maybe even one of its most important for the simple fact that we're not as far off from this kind of world as we'd like to think we are. Most importantly of all though, in spite of how dark and even somewhat dispiriting it is, it's at its heart genuinely delightful and downright adorable. It's obvious that Joon-ho wants to make a point, while also having so much quirky fun while doing it. It's a credit to his range as a director how he can blend different genres and tones so naturally without collapsing under its own heaviness. Sure, it's horrifying watching someone as sweet and naive as Mickey essentially get tortured for the stupidest of reasons (Like testing to see every excruciating detail of what a killer virus will do to a body or somebody not noticing one of the clones isn't dead yet before incineration), and yet, it's also just hilariously warped in how it at some point starts to seem like another day at the office for poor Mickey.
Much of this wouldn't come together without the immense charisma of Robert Pattinson, who has really committed to going against the usual "Leading Man" roles, despite fitting the bill absolutely perfectly. Both of Pattinson's characters are unique and oddly endearing in their own bizarre ways, from Mickey 17 being a more meak, if not still well meaning dork and Mickey 18 being a more daring, if not overtly murderous borderline psychopath. Similar to Jim Carrey in "Sonic the Hedgehog 3" and Theo James in "The Monkey" (Lotta dual role films recently), Pattinson has fantastic chemistry with himself, giving equally wonderful performances at the same time, where the facade never once breaks. This is also an excellent showcase for Naomi Ackie, who embodies strength and a comedic balance (And isn't afraid to be as weird as all of the other characters in the movie). It's one of those movies that allows everyone to have their moment, with Steven Yuen perfectly playing an absolute a-hole that never seems to learn anything from his actions, Anamaria Vartolomei (as "Kai", one of Marshall's security agents, who he mostly praises due to seeing her as nothing more than a healthy, viable uterus), a mesmerizing Holliday Grainger (as the head scientist behind the cloning program, who literally lures Mickey into a false sense of security, before subjecting him to the inhumanity of the project), an instantly lovable Patsy Ferran (as one of the only decent, well intentioned scientists in the cloning program), and an amusing Tim Key (as a Marshall fanatic, who spends the film's runtime dressed in a goofy pigeon costume).
Toni Collette looks to be having a ball playing a comic Lady Macbeth type, while Mark Ruffalo is just absurdly hammy in all the right ways as our more than obvious Donal Trump expy. It's also nice to have a movie that showcases the villainy and danger that comes from uncapped Capitalism (Easily turned into full blown Fascism), along with the most damning part of all being just how freakin stupid these people are once you look past their onscreen personas. (It's one thing for Marshall/Trump to be a racist, sexist, homophobic, transphobic, and all around bigoted Hitler wannabe, and yet, the worst part is that he's a f*cking moron who might just get us all killed!). Visually, the film is stunning (Deserving to be seen in IMAX), especially when it comes to the Creepers, who resemble the super pig from "Okja", except more bug-like, who are all kinds of ugly cute.
"Mickey 17" is almost overwhelming in how much it has going on and how much it's trying to tackle, and it also has no intention of being under-stated or delicate about its message (Granted, maybe a sledgehammer to the face wouldn't be enough to wake people up). However, Bong Joon-ho is such a skilled artist and a totally wacky one at that, it's tightly compacted in a rather silly, but thoughtful Sci-Fi epic with a big brain and an even bigger heart. 4 1/2 Stars. Rated R For Strong Language, Moments Of Shocking Violence, Depressing Real Life Parallels, And The Hilarious Sight Of Batman Flopping Out Of A Tube Like A Squishy Sausage.
In the Lost Lands by James Eagan ★ out of ★★★★★
Image: "I'll have you know that I've mastered the ability of standing so incredibly still that I become invisible to the....Ow! That knife is sharp!"
Ooooh! Now let's see what we got here! Let's get into some Fantasy mixed with a little Western, except make it post-apocalyptic like "Mad Max" and "Furiosa", except we'll also toss in some "Resident Evil". Not like good "Resident Evil". Movie "Resident Evil". How about we throw in some demonic Groots, a pinch of "Rebel Moon" (Because somebody somewhere liked those movies, right?), a werewolf, and so much lens flare that even J. J. Abrams would say that you've gone too far? Perfect! That's the kind of slop that you'd swear you would have seen in the Wal-Mart dollar bin like half a decade ago, but are for some reason seeing released in theaters nationwide.
Based on the George R. R. Martin short story of the same name, "In the Lost Lands" opens in a dystopian, fantasy world, with a feared witch, "Gray Alys" (Milla Jovovich), who is tasked by the queen (Amara Okereke) of the dying "Overlord" to grant her the magical power to shapeshift. Since Alys can't refuse any requests of her (I can see many ways how that can go wrong), Alys tells the queen she will return by the next full moon with the power, then give it to the queen (Who is already in the midst of planning for a future where she is the only ruler). Alys hires a famous hunter, "Boyce" (Dave Bautista), to serve as a guide into the dangerous Lost Lands, which is mostly made up of desert, a destroyed city, and a demonic creature or two. Meanwhile, the religious higher ups, consisting of the fanatical "Patriarch Johan" (Fraser James) and his bloodthirsty enforcer, "Ash" (Arly Jover), want Alys to hang for her crimes of witchcraft, sending in their zealots to kill her. Gray Alys and Boyce traverse the brutal world before them, while the audience struggles to comprehend what's going on due to the nonsensical nature of the story and the fact that the movie itself is so goddamn ugly to look at.
Directed by the king of mid-2000s edgy trash, Paul W. S. Anderson ("Event Horizon", "Monster Hunter", and the "Resident Evil" film series), with a screenplay by Constantin Werner, "In the Lost Lands" completely seems to be going by the "Rule of Cool", and if you ask me, there's absolutely nothing wrong with that. So long as it's fun.......Which this isn't. It's an uneven, exhausting, and visually unpleasant mix of genres and concepts that lack compelling characters, an interesting story, and anything resembling an actual personality of its own. Paul W. S. Anderson does seem content with making essentially the same movie over and over again, with heavy slo-mo, gratuitous green screen, and the worst CGI you'll see in a wide release film, but act like that's perfectly okay because it's just supposed a dumb popcorn flick. I mean, I can't necessarily fault the guy for embracing what he knows, yet it's 2025 and I only have so much time to spend in a movie theater these days. This has no business playing in one. It's a fairly simple, even straight forward story (With increasingly predictable dialogue), with a pair of characters going on a long adventure, making a couple pit stops along the way, and getting into an occasional drawn out action scene. However, the film repeatedly stops dead to focus on what's going on back in the kingdom, which ends up having little to no effect on the actual plot at hand. It just stretches things out, and when your movie is already too long at an hour and forty minutes, it's obvious what should have been shaved off. There is far too much going on in the subplots, when your main plot could have been serviceable enough, although even that too does wear thin in the last act.
Dave Bautista is still a charming, even respectable actor, doing what he can with what's been given and walking away unharmed, and to be honest, it's not like he doesn't have some chemistry with Jovovich (That might actually be the strongest part of the film). Speaking of Milla Jovovich, she's in way too much crap for someone I know can be a good actress (Granted, I completely understand the director wanting his hot wife to always be front and center of all his movies). She even shows those capabilities here where she has to do most if not all of the heavy lifting for her character. The screenplay does neither of them any favors, and I gotta commend the leads for at least getting through this without snickering the entire time. For as stupid as it all is, I buy them at least. Some of the other performances are pretty rough, like Amara Okereke (Who spouts out some inconsistent semi-feminist dialogue in a movie clearly written by a man) and an out of place Arly Jover (Who is way too over the top for a movie taking itself THIS seriously), while Fraser James does get some unintentional comedy out of his scenery-chewing. It's probably a bad sign when the best character in the movie is a two-headed snake that Bautista carries around, and even that doesn't last.
The movie seems to have an idea for grand world-building, but even at over $55 million, it feels so unrealized. There are cool concepts of how the world looks, yet it's so abysmal to look at that it ruins the whole image. You might get an idea for a unique action sequence, though it's edited in such a quick fashion that you can tell much of it had to be salvaged in whatever possible way during post production (Something that apparently took two years after the movie was already shot). Even sequences that have potential (Such as when our main characters are forced to defend themselves against some skeletal, demonic zombies with a ring of fire), rarely hold still long enough for the audience to actually get a good look at anything. Or in the case of the film's climax (Which features the worst CGI werewolf put to screen in over a decade), sometimes you have no choice but to stare in awe of the grotesquely unrendered visuals that were for somehow approved of. Not to mention, the film is like 80% green screen, to the point it just looks like Bautista and Jovovich just wandered their way into an unfinished PS3 video game.
Obnoxiously loud, ugly to look at, and surprisingly boring in parts, "In the Lost Lands" becomes such a sludge-like meshing of different Fantasy and Sci-Fi Horror concepts, with blindingly unappealing visual effects so brown and red, it's as if you were looking into the very ass of George R. R. Martin himself. I'm all for trashy fun, but you actually have to put more emphasis on the fun part to make it, well, not just trash. It just hurts your eyes and gives your brain a headache. This was a journey that was long lost before it even started. 1 Star. Rated R For Loads Of CGI Blood (Feels Like It Was Meant To Be PG-13, Before Shifting To An R Rating), Bautista Boobs, And Seizure Inducing Visuals. Seriously, This Movie Might Be Lethal To Some People With Sensitive Eyes.